Duckman: Private Dick/Family Man (TV Series)

Days of Whining and Neurosis (1995)

Gregg Berger: Cornfed Pig

Quotes 

• Cornfed Pig : [carrying a knocked-out Duckman through the Conrad Milo Rehab Center]  As you'll see, they treat a wide variety of addictions here. Most often, however, they like to group patients by profession.

  [Duckman wakes up and babbles] 

  Cornfed Pig : For instance, this is the Entertainment Industry wing, Television Subsection. Child stars, writers over 25, development executives... actually someone else gets addicted FOR them, then they take credit for it. This special section is for celebrities actually addicted to checking in to rehab clinics. With this class of clientele, naturally, they run into scheduling problems. So they have "drive-thru rehab" for busy Type As who just don't have two weeks to give up.

• Cornfed Pig : [at a therapy session]  I'm Dr. Gelman.

  Eric Duckman : No you're not.

  Cornfed Pig : Yes I am.

  Eric Duckman : No you're not!

  Cornfed Pig : [irritated]  Yes, I AM.

  Eric Duckman : What are ya talkin' about? You're...

  Cornfed Pig : [grabbing Duckman's bill]  My name is Dr. Gelman, Dr. Nathan Gelman. Nobody knows me here, so I'm introducing myself!

  Eric Duckman : ...Oh, ohhhh! Hehe... Nice to meet you... Dr. Cornfed.

  [Cornfed sighs angrily]