Duckman: Private Dick/Family Man (TV Series)

Duckman and Cornfed in 'Haunted Society Plumbers' (1997)

Gregg Berger: Cornfed Pig

Quotes 

• Hans : I am Hans, may I help you gentlemen?

  Eric Duckman : You betcha Heintz, we're from AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-1 Plumbing.

  Hans : You're from AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-1 Plumbing?

  Cornfed Pig : Yes, we're from AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-1 Plumbing.

  Lady Calowina Worthington-Ford : Ah, are these the men from AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-1 Plumbing?

  Hans : Yes, they say they're from AAAAAAAAAAAAAA...

  Eric Duckman : Al right! C'mon, we don't even have a plot yet.

• Eric Duckman : So, did you check outside?

  Cornfed Pig : No footprints in the soft-earth under the windows, and no tire-tracks in the gravel driveway. Whoever stole the Sharon Stone is still here. We have to check out the guests.

  Eric Duckman : [rubs his hands together]  Okay, when's checkout time.

  Cornfed Pig : [slaps Duckman]  Will you cut it out? Remember, everyone is a suspect, so be careful. If we blow our cover, the crooks might come after us.

  Eric Duckman : Big deal!

  Cornfed Pig : They might get tough with us.

  Eric Duckman : Let 'em!

  Cornfed Pig : They might kill us.

  Eric Duckman : [turns to run]  See ya.

  Cornfed Pig : Say, are you a man or a mouse?

  Eric Duckman : I'm more of a flea.

  Cornfed Pig : Flea?

  Eric Duckman : [turns to run]  If you say so.

• Lady Calowina Worthington-Ford : [as Cornfed, in disguise, reaches into her purse]  Whatever are you doing in my pruse?

  Cornfed Pig : [with fake accent]  Please to be forgiving, madam. But was for your own safety. Was merely checking bag for uh... volves.

  Lady Calowina Worthington-Ford : Volv... I mean uh... wolves? Ridiculous.

  Cornfed Pig : Maybe is ridiculous in U of S, but in my country is eat or be eaten. Volves is number one pest. Must always look all over for volves. For is always many volves. Volves to right, volves to left, volves in the mid...

  Lady Calowina Worthington-Ford : Yes, yes, all right. A lot of wolves.

  Cornfed Pig : [begins shouting]  Not just a lot! You're not listening! Is thousands of vovles everywhere! AT THE DROP OF A HAT, YOU WILL FIND WOLF IN HAT!

• Eric Duckman : Corny! I thought you morphed into a futuristic, flesh-craving metal man!

  Cornfed Pig : Have you been sticking the caulking gun up your nose again?

• Eric Duckman : I think I just made in my pants.

  Cornfed Pig : But you're not wearing any... ew.

• Cornfed Pig : Remember last year's Duckman Detective Agency talent competition?

  Eric Duckman : I sure do! We should have won! But that damn Uranus just *becomes* Liza!