Due South (TV Series)

A Hawk and a Handsaw (1995)

Paul Gross: Constable Benton Fraser

Quotes 

• Constable Benton Fraser : [studying a bleached patch of sidewalk]  This concrete is white.

  Det. Ray Vecchio : Well, that's the colour we like to use for sidewalks in America.

  Constable Benton Fraser : You know, the Inuit have sixty words to describe snow, Ray. One-third of them concern the colour.

  Det. Ray Vecchio : Eskimos don't have a lot to do in the winter, huh?

• Constable Benton Fraser : There's something going on inside that hospital, Ray.

  Det. Ray Vecchio : You're crazy!

  Constable Benton Fraser : That's a good idea.

• Det. Ray Vecchio : Your friend the Ice Maiden finally served up an autopsy report on the John Doe by the river.

  Constable Benton Fraser : Cause of death?

  Det. Ray Vecchio : He was struck by a blunt object. Probably a sidewalk.

• Psychologist : So you're a Mountie, are you?

  Constable Benton Fraser : Constable, Royal Canadian Mounted Police, yes.

  Psychologist : Here in Chicago.

  Constable Benton Fraser : Well, I used to live in the Yukon, but I uncovered a plot that involved drowning caribou, and then some men who were dressed in white came after me with homicidal intentions. It's a rather long story, takes exactly two hours to tell, but the upshot of it is that I was sent here. I think I embarrassed some people in the government.

  Psychologist : Do you have anyone who can vouch for you here?

  Constable Benton Fraser : Well, yes, there's my wolf, although I'm not sure he would vouch for me. If you know anything about lupine behaviour, you know how moody they are, and on top of that he's deaf.

• Det. Ray Vecchio : So what are we gonna do, sit on this bus until Ty gets on?

  Constable Benton Fraser : You know, I looked into that man's eyes when I was on that ledge, Ray. I saw a man who was lost. You can lose your home, you can lose your family and it can be devastating, but if you lose yourself you have nothing.

  Det. Ray Vecchio : Fraser, the guy was looking for Mike's house on a bus that travels a twelve-mile circuit. You have any idea how many Mikes live on this bus route? No, and neither do I and neither does anybody.

  Constable Benton Fraser : We're on the wrong bus.

  Det. Ray Vecchio : This is the number nine!

  Constable Benton Fraser : Well, he couldn't find the house again because he was on the wrong bus, and he didn't make the transfer.

  Det. Ray Vecchio : Oh, is that what it says there? 'Transfer here to Mike's house'?

• Constable Benton Fraser : Well, I'm a Mountie.

  Walter Sparks : A Mountie? You don't look like a Mountie.

  Constable Benton Fraser : Well, you know the red uniform? It's really mostly for special occasions, although they seem to insist that I wear my...

  Walter Sparks : I bet you always get your man, then.

  Constable Benton Fraser : Actually, that's a popular misconception. It really isn't our motto. It was invented by the writer of an early black-and-white movie. Our actual motto is 'Maintain the Right', which admittedly may not be as...

  Det. Ray Vecchio : Benny!

  Constable Benton Fraser : Uhh, yes. We do often get our man.

• Constable Benton Fraser : [at a bus stop]  Ah, excuse me. Could you take us to Mike's house, please?

  [doors close and bus drives away] 

  Det. Ray Vecchio : Don't you think you're being a wee bit desperate?

  Constable Benton Fraser : If he asked the bus driver to take him to Mike's house, he obviously had reason to believe the bus driver knew where Mike's house was.

  Det. Ray Vecchio : Fraser, there's a guy in my corner who asks me every morning if I've seen God. Do you really think he expects me to point him out?

  Constable Benton Fraser : Well, if you did, Ray, perhaps he would stop asking.

• Constable Benton Fraser : [Ray is nervous about his psych evaluation]  Ray, these people are professionals. Won't they know if you've rehearsed your answers?

  Det. Ray Vecchio : Ah, they may suspect, but they won't be able to prove it. Now if I go in there unprepared, and they say 'brother' and I say 'naked', I'm gonna be explaining myself away for the next two weeks.

  Constable Benton Fraser : You'd say 'naked'?

  Det. Ray Vecchio : Well, I'm just talkin' hypothetically.

  Constable Benton Fraser : I'm sorry, Ray, but it sounds as though you're drawing on personal experience.

  Det. Ray Vecchio : Well, y'know, me and my brother used to take baths together when we were younger, but what's wrong with that?

  Constable Benton Fraser : Well, nothing. It just seems like an odd response.

  Det. Ray Vecchio : There, you see? See, even you're reading stuff into this. You say something innocent like that, and next thing you know they're trying to convince you you're having dreams of seeing your mother naked.

  Constable Benton Fraser : You had dreams of your mother naked?

  Det. Ray Vecchio : I said 'brother'!

  Constable Benton Fraser : You said 'mother'!

  Det. Ray Vecchio : I know what I said! I said 'brother'! It's my dream, I should know who's in it!

  Constable Benton Fraser : Well, how long have you been having this dream?

  Det. Ray Vecchio : There is no dream! I made it up!

• Constable Benton Fraser : You know my mother died when I was very young. I don't remember a lot about that time except, except my father's beard. I don't remember him crying or talking about her. I just woke up one morning and noticed he had a beard. And it kept getting longer and longer and he got thinner and he stopped going to work. My mother died... and my father stopped living. And then one morning, I woke up and there was a breakfast waiting for me at the table. Oatmeal and... sliced banana. And he was clean-shaven. And he was crying.

  Walter Sparks : Well your dad was a very strong man.

  Constable Benton Fraser : He just woke up and the wind was from the south. And he found he still knew the difference between a hawk and a handsaw.

• Det. Ray Vecchio : All right, all right, so if somebody jumped, where's the body?

  Constable Benton Fraser : Well, I'm sure it'll turn up.

  Elaine Besbriss : [over the radio]  Vecchio, they just fished a body out of the river near Wilmington. Lieutenant says he'll meet you down there.

  Det. Ray Vecchio : On the way.

  [to Fraser] 

  Det. Ray Vecchio : Look, that doesn't prove a thing, okay? Bodies turn up every day in this city.

  Constable Benton Fraser : No, I'm sure that's the case.

  Det. Ray Vecchio : Oh, all right, so what's your theory - the guy jumped from the fifth floor of the hospital, caught a thermal updraft and flew the sixteen blocks to the river?

  Constable Benton Fraser : Well, that's just silly, Ray.

  Det. Ray Vecchio : It's a joke!

• Constable Benton Fraser : Do you know where Mike is?

  Bus driver : Uhh, I think he was killed in the fourteenth century.

  Det. Ray Vecchio : Oh, great, so at least we've got a murder investigation on our hands.