- Fraser: Let me tell you something, Ray, I think that the person who invented pantyhose should be brought up on charges of cruelty, sadism and reckless endangerment. They pinch in the most inappropriate places.
- Ray Vecchio: Yeah, well most people who wear them don't have those places, Benny.
- Wanda: [to Fraser, who is pretending to be a woman] We're on to you, Miss.
- Tiffany: Totally.
- Wanda: We see the way you're always opening doors for women.
- Tiffany: And the way you're like incredibly tall.
- Wanda: And polite.
- Tiffany: Totally. And we hear the way you talk.
- Wanda: For sure. You know you can't fool us. We should have known it right from the start.
- Tiffany: You're... A Canadian.
- Fraser: Oh. Do you think we could keep this between us?
- Fraser: [Fraser is dressed as a woman and insisting Ray open doors for him] Ray. Manners.
- Ray Vecchio: You know, Benny, there's a limit.
- Fraser: A limit? To good etiquette? I think not, Ray.
- Ray Vecchio: Just get in the car before I beat you with your purse.
- Ray Vecchio: You know, Benny, you weren't a bad-looking woman.
- Fraser: Thank you, Ray.
- Ray Vecchio: Course, you weren't exactly my type either.
- Fraser: Well, what exactly is your type, Ray?
- Ray Vecchio: I like a woman who is kind and honest with a good sense of humor.
- Fraser: What? And I don't have those qualities?
- Ray Vecchio: No, no, you do, I just like a woman who is, you know, a woman.
- Fraser: That's, that's picky Ray.
- Fraser: [reading from Celine's diary] "... I gifted him with a treasure of gold and time; he gifted me with his love."
- Ray Vecchio: Wow, I'm no English major, but that stuff's so purple I'm gettin' diabetes.
- Fraser: Ray, you just mixed a metaphor.
- Ray Vecchio: Yeah, well, I said I was no English major.
- Fraser: [regarding Celine's gun] Interesting. A Hildebrand Yankee thirty-eight. You don't see these very often.
- Ray Vecchio: No, that's why I ran the numbers on it. You're never gonna guess who it's registered to.
- Fraser: Eliot Ness?
- Ray Vecchio: How did you know that?
- Fraser: Well, it's really quite simple...
- Ray Vecchio: No, simple for you is some long drawn-out story about your grandparents' library in Runamukluk.
- Fraser: Actually, it is quite simple, Ray; it's engraved right here, 'E. Ness.' And guessing that the 'E' stood for 'Eliot' was just inspiration.
- Ray Vecchio: Just gimme that. You're not supposed to be carryin' a gun anyway.
- Fraser: [beat] Tuktoyaktuk.
- Ray Vecchio: What?
- Fraser: You said 'Runamukluk.' I assume you're referring to the time my grandmother moved her traveling library to Tuktoyaktuk.
- Ray Vecchio: Tuktoyaktuk, Runamukluk, what's the difference?
- Fraser: Well, about two thousand kilometers.
- Ray Vecchio: Is that necessary?
- Fraser: Not entirely, no.
- Ray Vecchio: Okay, so the question is, how does a sixteen-year-old Catholic school girl get a hold of the gun owned by the man who brought down Al Capone? That is the question, not whether or not Tuktoyaktuk and Runamukluk are two thousand miles apart!
- Fraser: Kilometers. And, I have no idea.
- Ray Vecchio: Well, neither do I!
- Ray Vecchio: Murph's the man, Fraser. He collects hooch like my sister collects losers. You know what his nickname is?
- Fraser: I haven't a clue.
- Ray Vecchio: The Whiskey King of the Windy City. Isn't that great?
- Fraser: Well, Ray, I find that a little bit difficult to believe, in that nicknames generally tend to be a bit shorter. 'Whiskey King', or 'Windy Guy'.
- Ray Vecchio: Well, that's his nickname, all right? The Whiskey King of the Windy City. You ask anyone.
- Fraser: [turning to another patron] Excuse me, sir. What is the bartender's nickname?
- Burly Bar Patron: Murph.
- [Fraser and Ray are fighting it out with Johnstone and his henchman]
- Fraser: Oh, no! You wouldn't hit a woman, would you?
- [Johnstone balks; Fraser KO's him as Celine grabs a bottle of Glendorlan whiskey]
- Celine: This one's for Todd!
- [hurls the bottle at Johnstone; Fraser takes a flying leap and loses his wig as he catches it in mid-air]
- Melissa: [mortified] Oh, my God, Miss Fraser! You're a CROSS-DRESSER?