- [last lines]
- Fraser Sr.: We need to find somewhere to live.
- Constable Benton Fraser: What do you mean, we?
- Fraser Sr.: That's a cruel joke, son. I've been thinking about an office. I need an office.
- Constable Benton Fraser: What the hell would you do with an office?
- Fraser Sr.: Oh, just office work, my memoirs, catch up on my taxes.
- Constable Benton Fraser: Taxes? You've been dead for two years.
- Fraser Sr.: Oh, they find you, son.
- Constable Benton Fraser: [goes over to inspect the electrical socket outside the Vecchio home]
- Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: Hey! What are you doin'?
- Constable Benton Fraser: [Looks up inquisitively]
- Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: I don't know where you come from, but I come from this little place called America where we got this big thing called electricity. Word of advice. Your tongue, electricity, not a good mix.
- Harding Welsh: [Seeing Fraser at the police station for the first time since he got back from his vacation] Ah, Constable, you've returned. Upon reflection, I imagine that pleases me.
- Constable Benton Fraser: [Fraser and Diefenbaker are walking home] Oh, for God's sake. I think I provided ample explanation. Ray was otherwise engaged and taxi policy precludes the transportation of wolves. Come on.
- [Dief whines]
- Constable Benton Fraser: Aside from which, we're almost home. At the end of the alley, turn right, cross the street, climb the stairs and we'll be snug as bugs...
- [sees that his apartment building is on fire]
- Constable Benton Fraser: in a fire.
- Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: [Ray is ostensibly reading from a pamphlet on how to become a Canadian citizen in 10 Easy Steps] Step 1. Get a big hat. Step 2. Lick electrical sockets. Step 3...
- Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: [the car they are in has exploded and is on fire. The boys take it through a car wash, attempting to extinguish the flames but the car wash only makes it worse] What is this? Some kind of super fire?
- Constable Benton Fraser: No. You shouldn't have pressed the hot wax option.
- Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: Geiger?
- Constable Benton Fraser: Well, Geiger was an escaped convict sworn to vengeance on a legendary Mountie who bore an uncanny resemblance to the Canadian actor and comedian Leslie Nielsen.
- Fraser Sr.: Who has yet to receive the Order of Canada.
- Constable Benton Fraser: Long overdue.