- Debra Barone: You're a writer, don't you want to write the Great American Novel?
- Ray Barone: I thought about that. But then I realized that I didn't even want to read the Great American Novel.
- Ray Barone: Listen up, everybody. I've got an announcement to make. I suck and I quit.
- Gianni: You only blew the game-winning shot, what's the big deaI?
- Kevin: Yeah, there'll be other game-winning shots. Hopefully, you won't take them.
- Ray Barone: Look, isn't it obvious? I'm too short to play this game.
- Gianni: What?
- Ray Barone: I measured myself yesterday, and I'm a quarter-inch shorter than last year.
- Kevin: Ray, you could shrink a foot and still not be the shortest guy on the team.
- [Kevin rests his hand on Andy's shoulder, indicating his short stature]
- Andy: You could lose a leg and still not be the slowest.
- [Andy rubs Kevin's stomach in response]
- Ray Barone: Don't you see? I'm going to keep shrinking.
- Gianni: Relax, Ray, you weren't that good to begin with.
- Robert Barone: Raymond. Sounds like you're having a little mid-life crisis.
- Ray Barone: What? No, God. Mid-life crisis. I don't want one of those.
- Kevin: I do. I can't wait for mine. I'm going to get a Harley and a girI who's impressed by Harleys.
- Ray Barone: Debra won't let me have either of those.
- Frank Barone: You know what I always wanted to do, Ray? Sing like Tony Bennett.
- Ray Barone: Tony Bennett?
- Frank Barone: That's right. But look at me. Am I Tony Bennett?
- Ray Barone: No.
- Frank Barone: You see, you do a thing, and that's what you are. One guy lives in Brooklyn. One guy lives in Sutton Place. Another guy's a lawyer, one guy is a doctor. Another guy dies, another guy gets well, people are born.
- Ray Barone: What the hell are you talking about?
- Frank Barone: Don't worry so much. You die. You did what you did.
- Marie Barone: Stop saying die. It's obvious Raymond's afraid of dying.
- Frank Barone: What am I supposed to tell him? That it's not going to happen? It's going to happen.
- [to Ray, excitedly but very serious]
- Frank Barone: You're going to die!
- Ray Barone: Guys care about height, you know? Just like women care about weight.
- Debra Barone: I don't care about weight.
- Ray Barone: Yeah, you don't 'cause you only weigh about, what, 140?
- [Debra glares at Ray, threateningly]
- Ray Barone: See? Don't get on your high horse if you can't take the smell.