- [Blair enters the banquet room and is surprised to find that only Mr. Bradley and Miss Mahoney are present]
- Blair Warner: Where's my mother? Did she leave?
- [Blair's mother, Nancy, Molly, Cindy, Natalie and Tootie enter the banquet room from the kitchen]
- Monica Warner: Oh, Blair, you look beautiful.
- Blair Warner: Is that you mother? In an apron?
- Monica Warner: Well, I thought it was about time that I started acting a little more like you than you like me.
- Blair Warner: Meet my gorgeous mother.
- Nancy Olson: You're the most beautiful woman I ever met.
- Monica Warner: Oh, thank you, dear.
- [chuckles]
- Sue Ann Weaver: What do you have to do to look the way you do?
- Monica Warner: Well, I get plenty of sleep, I exercise, and I drink plenty of milk.
- Dorothy 'Tootie' Ramsey: Wow, if I could look like that, I'd drink a cow.
- Nancy Olson: Come on, guys, we gotta get back to work.
- Edna Garrett: On the double, on the double.
- Sue Ann Weaver: [still thinking Blair's mom] Wow, what a figure.
- Cindy Webster: Yeah, wouldn't you just love to have a pair of legs like that.
- Natalie Green: I'd settle for just one.
- Edna Garrett: Okay, so we both know your mother's slightly flirtatious.
- Blair Warner: That's like saying the Eiffel Tower's slightly tall.
- Blair Warner: My mother's made a date with her latest conquest, Justin Branch. He's a married man! I never want to hear 'like mother, like daughter' again.
- Edna Garrett: Oh, but Blair, your mother and Mr. Branch are old friends. They're having an innocent reunion.
- Blair Warner: I've lost three fathers because of 'innocent' little reunions like this. I wonder how many husbands I'll go through.
- Edna Garrett: Blair is very upset. Her mother's about to become involved with a man here.
- Steven Bradley: She is? Did she tell you where she wants me to meet her?
- Monica Warner: [huge parcel] I brought you a little surprise, dear. It's your first Christian Dior.
- Blair Warner: Oh, mother, thank you!
- Monica Warner: Let's pull it out and see what it looks like.
- Blair Warner: There's a full-length mirror in here.
- [they go off next door]
- Natalie Green: [re Blair's vivacious mom] If she were any more inviting, she'd be a regular welcome wagon.
- Edna Garrett: You know, Blair, I had to learn that loving someone doesn't mean loving the parts you like. Loving means accepting the whole package, warts and all.
- Blair Warner: If my mother ever had a wart, she'd sue Elizabeth Arden.
- Nancy Olson: You're crazy. You're giving us this dress? But your mother gave it to you.
- Blair Warner: I don't want it anymore. There's a curse attached to it.
- Sue Ann Weaver: [grabs dress] Oh, I'll take it. I'm not superstitious.
- Nancy Olson: [grabs it back] This dress must have cost a hundred dollars.
- Blair Warner: The buttons cost that much.
- Nancy Olson: Oh, boy, if it's that expensive, I'd be too embarrassed to take it.
- Sue Ann Weaver: [grabs dress again] Oh, I'm never embarrassed.
- Nancy Olson: Neither of us should have it. Give it back to Blair.
- [grabs dress, gives it to Blair, but Blair tosses it into wastepaper bin]