Family Guy (TV Series)

Death Is a Bitch (2000)

Seth MacFarlane: Peter Griffin, Brian Griffin, Stewie Griffin, Glenn Quagmire, Tom Tucker, Dr. Elmer Hartman, Biker #2, Dr. Kevorkian, Elliott, Executioner, Freddy Krueger, Hitler, Male Flight Attenden, Mike Wallace, Pilot

Photos 

Quotes 

• Death : Wait, don't tell anyone I'm here. For if humanity discovers that I am no longer lurking in the shadows, the consequences will be dire.

  Peter Griffin : Go on...

  Death : That's it, what the hell do you see in him?

• Peter Griffin : Hey, aren't you Richard Simmons?

  [thug hits him with pool stick and Peter isn't hurt] 

  Peter Griffin : Hey, aren't you Richard Simmons' friend, Richard Simmons?

• Lois Griffin : Peter, don't you see? As long as he's here, you can't die.

  Peter Griffin : Go on...

  Lois Griffin : That's it.

• Death : You can't tell anyone that I'm here. For if you do, the consequences could be dire.

  Peter Griffin : Go on...

  Death : That's it.

  [to Lois] 

  Death : God, what do you see in him?

• Hitler : Today on Hitler we will talk to Hollywood hunk Christian Slater.

  Hitler : So tell me. In your next film. We get to see your but.

  Christian Slater : Well ugh? I guess you do.

  Hitler : Can we see it right now?

  Christian Slater : Um? sure I guess so.

  Hitler : Oh Oh he's going to do it!

  Hitler : If you are in the Los Angeles area and you want to get tickets to Hitler then call 213-Du Werdest Eine Krankenschwester Brauchen!

• Peter Griffin : I can't kill those kids! Then I'll have nothing to watch on Wednesdays...

  Peter Griffin : [slowly rolls eyes toward camera]  ... except for the fine programming on Fox.

  [smiles innocently] 

• Peter Griffin : Listen, I've had a good life. And you can always be proud of your father and all of his accomplishments.

  Meg Griffin : What accomplishments?

  Peter Griffin : Go to your room.

• Peter Griffin : Oh, this sucks, Brian. Why should I have to pay this?. I mean, there's nothing wrong with me.

  Brian Griffin : Yeah, it's a shame you're not dying.

  Peter Griffin : Wait a second, that's it. They can't make a dead guy pay his bill. All I gotta do is write 'deceased' right here where it says 'name'. And where it says 'sex', I'll write 'no thanks, I'm dead'. It's bulletproof!

• Stewie Griffin : You, heat up some gravy for our guest. My last helping of white meat was drier than Oscar Wilde.

• Stewie Griffin : What the deuce?

• Peter Griffin : Is this the price of my bill or my phone number?

  Miss Jacobs : Your phone number.