Family Guy (TV Series)
The Story on Page One (2000)
Seth MacFarlane: Peter Griffin, Brian Griffin, Stewie Griffin, Announcer, Anus, Homeless Guy #2, Man, Neil Goldman without his retainer, Mayor Assistant, Customer, Thomas Edison, Ricky Martin Manager, Bartender #2, Tony
Photos
Quotes
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[Stewie is electronically controlling Chris and is waiting outside the hardware store while Chris goes inside]
Stewie Griffin : All right, now walk up to the counter.
[Chris does]
Stewie Griffin : That's it, ring the bell!
[he does]
Shopkeep : Well, hi there.
Stewie Griffin : Good day, shopkeep.
Chris Griffin : [parroting] Good day, shopkeep. I require a hand-operated buzzsaw capable of cutting through a human sternum.
Shopkeep : What?
Stewie Griffin : It's for a school project. I'm... some sort of student sent here for... oh, blast, what the devil do they study? Uh, Latin class!
Shopkeep : Uh, sorry, kid, I can't sell power tools to minors.
Chris Griffin : Now, look here, you gourd-bellied codpiece! Allow me to purchase the provisions I demand or I shall transform your blue collar into a red one and - who the deuce are you? No, I don't have any spare change. Where the hell would I keep it, in my diaper? Get out of here, you hobo!... Oh, bloody hell, is this thing still on?
Shopkeep : [stares in confusion]
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Peter Griffin : I tell ya, Dark Side of The Moon totally syncs up with the Wizard of Oz.
Luke Perry : Really? Shannon Daugherty told me that once, but I thought she was just being a bitch.
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Lois Griffin : Oh, I haven't been on a college campus in years. Everything seems so different.
Stewie Griffin : Really? Perhaps if you laid on your back with your ankles behind your ears that would ring a few bells.
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Peter Griffin : Gays don't vomit. They're a very clean people. And they've been that way ever since they came over to this country from France.
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Chris Griffin : Brown is the color of poo.
Brian Griffin : Yes, yes it is.
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[Peter tries to get a gay photo of Luke Perry]
Peter Griffin : Oh, jeez, I spilled wine all over your shirt. You know what's good for getting stains out? Sex with another man.
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Peter Griffin : [in Sunday School with several children during story time] And when you die, you go to a wonderful place called heaven.
[children gasp in delight, Peter starts laughing]
Peter Griffin : Nah, I'm just yankin' ya, you'll all rot in the ground.
[children look horrified]
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Peter Griffin : Uh, hi. We're here to see the Dean.
Guardian of the College : Nobody can see the Dean! Not nobody, not no how!
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Stewie Griffin : This isn't the first time my small stature has hindered my plans.
[flashback]
Auctioneer : Item 157... Global Domination. Enslave the human race. Do I have any bids?
Stewie Griffin : OOH. OOH. ME. ME.
Auctioneer : I'll take any bids. $1. Enslave the human race for $1?
Stewie Griffin : BEHIND THE FAT CHICK. OOH. OOH.
