- Carl Otis Winslow: What's the matter? What's the matter? You sit there with your bare face hanging out and have the nerve to ask me, "What's the matter?"
- Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: What's the matter? What's the matter? You stand there with your bare face hanging out and have the *nerve* to ask me, "What's the matter?"
- Ted: I'm sorry, Laura. Look, I know it's asking a lot, but can we wipe the slate clean; start over?
- Steven Quincy Urkel: No way!
- Laura Lee Winslow: I don't know, Ted.
- Steven Quincy Urkel: She doesn't know, Ted!
- Laura Lee Winslow: I'll have to think about it.
- Steven Quincy Urkel: She has to think about it!
- Laura Lee Winslow: But it'll be real hard to forgive the fact that you boosted your rep by ruining mine.
- Steven Quincy Urkel: Oh, you're history, Bub.
- Laura Lee Winslow: Steve, I'll handle this conversation myself, okay?
- Steven Quincy Urkel: She'll handle this conversation herself, okay?
- Steven Quincy Urkel: Well, if you're not busy tomorrow night, why don't you and I rent a movie, we'll turn down the lights, and engage in a little lip-wrestling.
- Laura Lee Winslow: I can't. I'm going out with Ted Curren.
- Steven Quincy Urkel: Again? Buy why?
- Laura Lee Winslow: Well, he's good-looking, and varsity athlete, and the most popular guy in school.
- Steven Quincy Urkel: Yeah, but take all that away and what have you got?
- Laura Lee Winslow: You.
- Steven Quincy Urkel: Steve, what is that smell?
- Steven Quincy Urkel: It's my new Swiss cologne. It's called Eau De L'heehoo.
- Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: You realize that according to the unofficial code of big brothers, I should expose you and your friends' vital organs to daylight?