Firefly (TV Series)

Our Mrs. Reynolds (2002)

Nathan Fillion: Captain Malcolm 'Mal' Reynolds

Photos 

Quotes 

• Bandit : [robbing a couple on a floating wagon]  You gonna give us what's due us and every damn thing else on that boat. And I think maybe you gonna give me a little one-on-one time with the misses.

  Jayne : Oh, I think you might wanna reconsider that last part. See, I married me a powerful ugly creature.

  Mal : [in disguise in a dress and large bonnet]  How can you say that? How can you shame me in front of new people?

  Jayne : If I could make you purtier, I would.

  Mal : [gasps]  You are not the man I met a year ago.

  [Mal and Jayne pull their guns on the unsuspecting bandits] 

  Mal : Now, think real hard. You've been birddoggin' this township a while now. They wouldn't mind a corpse of you. Now, you can luxuriate in a nice jail cell, but if your hand touches metal, I swear, by my pretty floral bonnet, I will end you.

• Saffron : Are you gonna kill me?

  Mal : What? What kind of crappy planet is that? Kill you.

  Saffron : In the maiden's home, I heard talk of men who weren't pleased with their brides...

  Mal : Well, I ain't them. And don't you ever stand for that sort of thing. Someone ever tries to kill you, you try to kill 'em right back.

• [Jayne is walking menacingly towards Mal with a large gun] 

  Jayne : Six men came to kill me one time. And the best of 'em carried this. It's a Callahan full-bore auto-lock. Customized trigger, double cartridge thorough gauge. It is my very favorite gun.

  [he holds the gun out to Mal] 

  Mal : [exclaims in Chinese]  You offering me a trade?

  Jayne : A trade? Hell, it's theft. This the best gun made by man. It has *extreme* sentimental value. It's miles more worthy 'n what you got!

  Mal : What I got? She has a name.

  Jayne : So does this. I call it Vera.

  Mal : Well, my days of not takin' ya seriously are certainly comin' to a middle.

• Mal : I would appreciate it if one person on this boat would not assume that I'm an evil lecherous hump.

  Zoë : Nobody's saying that, sir.

  Wash : Yeah, we're pretty much just giving each other significant glances and laughing incessantly.

• Inara Serra : Well, yes. So, explain to me again why Zoe wasn't in the dress?

  Mal : Tactics, woman. Needed her in the back. 'Sides, those soft cotton dresses feel kinda nice. It's the whole... air-flow.

  Inara Serra : And you'd know that because...?

  Mal : You can't open the book of my life and jump in the middle. Like woman, I'm a mystery.

  Inara Serra : Let's keep it that way. I withdraw the question.

• Mal : Can I come in?

  Inara Serra : No.

  Mal : See, that's why I usually don't ask.

• Mal : [about Saffron]  You would've kissed her too.

  Zoë : Wash didn't.

  Mal : But she was naked and all... articulate!

  Wash : Okay! Everybody not talking about sex, in here. Everybody else, elsewhere.

• Kaylee : It was your big makeout session that got us into this, sir.

  Mal : I was poisoned!

  Inara : You were drugged.

  Jayne : That's why I never kiss 'em on the mouth.

• Saffron : Leave me at the nearest port, never look upon me again. I'll make my way with the strength that you've taught me, only let me have my wedding night.

  Mal : Oh, I'm gonna go to the special hell.

• Mal : [In Inara's shuttle]  You're a very graceful woman, Inara.

  Inara Serra : [Confused]  Uh... thank you.

  Mal : So here's where I'm fuzzy. You got by that girl, came and found me, and somehow you happened to just trip and fall.

  Inara Serra : What do you mean?

  Mal : [Standing close, looking down into her eyes]  C'mon, Inara. How's about we don't play. You didn't just trip, did you?

  Inara Serra : [Hesitates]  ... No...

  Mal : Well, isn't that somethin'.

  [Looks smug] 

  Mal : I knew you let her kiss you.

  [Turns and walks out, leaving Inara dumbfounded] 

• Inara : [about Saffron]  She tried to seduce me too.

  Mal : Really? Did she - with - did you...?

  Inara : You don't play a player.

• Mal : How drunk was I last night?

  Jayne : I don't know, I passed out.

• Saffron : I'm sorry that I shame you.

  Mal : You don't shame me! Zoë, would you get Wash.

  Zoë : [Over the PA system]  This is Zoë. We need all personnel in the cargo bay.

  Mal : All? I said Wash!

  Zoë : Captain, everyone should have a chance to congratulate you on your day of bliss.

  Mal : There's-there's no bliss! I don't know this girl.

  Jayne Cobb : Then can I know her?

• Mal : [from a deleted scene]  More than 70 earths spinnin' about the galaxy, and the meek have inherited not a one.

• Mal : What was she after?

  Book : Besides molesting innocent captains?

• Mal : [to Inara, as he leaves her shuttle after fighting with her]  I wasn't looking for a fight!

  [He runs into Jayne, who glares at him as he cocks a very big gun] 

  Mal : Always do seem to find one, though.

• Mal : You got the right same as anyone to... live and try to kill people.

• Mal : Whoa, hey. Flesh. Um... Saffron... i-it-it ain't a question of pleasing me. It's more a question of what's... um... of what's morally right.

  Saffron : I do know my Bible sir. "On the night of their betrothal, the wife shall open to the man as the furrow to the plow and he shall work in her, in and again, 'til she bring him to his fall and rest him then upon the sweat of her breast."

  Mal : Whoa, good Bible.

• Saffron : [Saffron is sitting on Mal's bed naked, covered by a blanket]  I've made myself ready for you.

  Mal : [Mal trying not to look]  Let's ride right past the part where you explain exactly what that means

• Saffron : I thought last night during the ceremony that you were pleased.

  Mal : Well, yeah, last night I was. Had some mulled wine, pretty girl gave me a hat made out of a tree. Nobody said I was signing up to have and to hold.

• Saffron : You're a good man.

  Mal : You clearly haven't been talkin' to anyone else on this boat.

• Mal : [to Saffron]  You got all kinds of learnin' and you made me look the fool without tryin', and yet here I am with a gun to your head. That's 'cause I got people with me.

• Saffron : How'd you find me?

  Mal : Only a few places that shuttle would make it to from where you left. Happy to find it intact.

  Saffron : You're quite a man, Malcolm Reynolds.

  [seductively] 

  Saffron : I've been waiting a long time for someone good enough to take me down.

  Mal : Saffron, you even think about playing me again I will riddle you with holes.

  Saffron : Everybody plays each other. That's all anybody ever does. We play parts.

• Saffron : We've been wed. Aren't we to become one flesh?

  Mal : Well, no. Uh, we're still two fleshes here.

• Mal : Who the hell are you?

  Saffron : What do you mean?

  Mal : Well, I think I was pretty clear. What are you doing on my boat?

  Saffron : But, you know, I'm to cleave to you.

  Mal : To whubba who?

  Saffron : Did Elder Gommen not tell you?

  Mal : Tell me what? Who are you?

  Saffron : Mr. Reynolds, sir, I'm your wife.

  [intro plays] 

  Mal : Could you repeat that please?

  Saffron : I am your wife. That was your agreement with Elder Gommen, since he hadn't cash or livestock enough...

  Mal : I-I-I'm sorry. Go back to the part where you're my wife.

  Saffron : I don't please you?

  Mal : You can't please me. You never met me. Zoë, why do I have a wife?

• Mal : Do you ever... wash your client's feet?

  Inara : [sarcastically]  It's my specialty.

• [calling his new wife] 

  Mal : Hello? Woman-person?

• Kaylee : [comforting Saffron]  Oh sweetie, don't feel bad. He makes everybody cry. He's like a monster.

  Mal : I'm not a monster! Wash, turn the ship around.

• Saffron : Five days... we'll be together?

  Mal : We'll be together on the ship, but not in any...

  Saffron : That'll be fine.

• Mal : What's it say in there about divorce?

• Mal : You'd only have lied anyhow.

• Mal : Let's ride right past the part where you explain exactly what that means.

• Saffron : I would make a good wife.

  Mal : [sighing]  Yeah, well, I'd be a terrible husband.

• Mal : Don't brand the cattle. Brand the buyer. He's the one likely to stray.