The Flintstones (TV Series)
Dial S for Suspicion (1962)
Alan Reed: Fred Flintstone
Quotes
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Fred Flintstone : I, um, got some news for you, Barney. I may be getting another and better job.
Barney Rubble : Oh, no fooling? Where?
Fred Flintstone : I answered this ad in the paper.
Barney Rubble : [reads the ad] Let's see, uh, "Wanted. Man for high position at Stone Valley Inn. Must be executive type, college graduate, speak Spanish. Salary $450 per month plus meals." And you applied for this job, Fred?
Fred Flintstone : Uh-huh, and I should be getting an answer any day now. Sounds like some job, huh, Barn?
Barney Rubble : It sure does, Fred, but, uh...
Fred Flintstone : Uh what?
Barney Rubble : Uh, you ain't a college graduate.
Fred Flintstone : So who has to know? If they want to see my diploma, I'll tell them it was lost in a fire.
Barney Rubble : Oh, sure, and if they want to hear you speak Spanish, you'll tell them your accent was lost in a fire, too.
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[Wilma is still reading her mystery book]
Fred Flintstone : You're really enjoying that book, huh, Wilma?
Wilma Flintstone : Oh, yes. It's about a woman who tries to get rid of her husband for his insurance.
Fred Flintstone : Yeah? How does she go about it?
Wilma Flintstone : Oh, a number of ways. Right now, I'm up to the part where she puts a pillow over his head.
Fred Flintstone : A-A p-p-pillow over his head? Look, honey, that's not the kind of stuff you should be reading. Why don't you turn out the light and go to sleep?
Wilma Flintstone : No, I want to read awhile. You go to sleep, Fred.
Fred Flintstone : I don't think I can sleep.
Wilma Flintstone : Sure you can. I'll bet in two minutes you're dead to the world.
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Wilma Flintstone : You mean you actually thought I wanted to collect the insurance? Thanks a lot, Fred. That's the nicest compliment I've had today.
Fred Flintstone : I'm-I'm-I'm sorry, Wilma, but you gotta admit suspicious things happened and with you reading that book...
Wilma Flintstone : Oh, Fred!
Fred Flintstone : Well, what would you think if I started reading about Bluebeard and then accidents started happening to you?
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[Fred is selected to be the knife-throwing target]
Fred Flintstone : Help! Barney, do something!
Barney Rubble : Don't worry, Fred. I will. If he sticks you with a knife, boy, will I boo him.
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Barney Rubble : I still think you're worrying over nothing, Fred. Uh, your move.
Fred Flintstone : Nothing? My own wife slings a cleaver at me, tries to do me in with a pillow, and you call that nothing?
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[after Fred signs for the insurance policy]
Wilma Flintstone : Thanks, Fred. I certainly hope I never need it, but you never know. Insurance can be a wife's best friend.
[Wilma leaves]
Barney Rubble : Hmm.
Fred Flintstone : What's with the "Hmm"?
Barney Rubble : Oh, I was just thinking about what Wilma said. "Insurance can be a wife's best friend."
Fred Flintstone : So?
Barney Rubble : So 40,000 bucks could be the start of a beautiful friendship.
Fred Flintstone : Will you cut that out?