The Flintstones (TV Series)

Fred Flintstone: Before and After (1961)

Mel Blanc: Barney Rubble, Dino, Mr. Slabsides

Quotes 

• Barney Rubble : I'm sorry about last night, Fred, but we're all trying to help you win that $1,000.

  Fred Flintstone : I know, Barney, but I just can't keep away from food. When I count sheep at night to help me go to sleep, the sheep all turn into lamb chops.

• Betty Rubble : It's been a week since Fred started Operation Diet. What has he lost so far?

  Wilma Flintstone : So far, all he's lost is his temper. Not one ounce of weight.

  Barney Rubble : Uh, maybe he's raiding the icebox.

  Wilma Flintstone : He promised me he wouldn't, Barney. Besides, I've got it hooked up to an alarm device. If he opens the door, I'd know it.

  [a loud explosion is heard] 

  Betty Rubble : Good grief, what's that?

  Wilma Flintstone : The icebox.

  Fred Flintstone : Wilma!

  Wilma Flintstone : Yes, Fred?

  Fred Flintstone : [appears covered in smoke]  Booby-trapping the icebox was a low-down, despicable trick. Fine thing when a wife doesn't trust her husband.

• Clerk : [Fred tries on a fake beard as a disguise]  And with this hat on, I guarantee your own mother won't recognize you!

  Fred Flintstone : GOOD! GOOD!

  [walks outside] 

  Fred Flintstone : Now I can go any place in town and eat!

  Barney Rubble : [walks by]  Hiya, Fred!

  Clerk : [back in the costume shop]  Hi, Mr. Flintstone. Back so soon? How was the party?

  [Fred remains silent] 

  Clerk : Uh, what's the matter, a cat got your tongue?

  [Fred slams the hat over the clerk's head] 

• Barney Rubble : Hiya, girls, what's the big conference about?

  Wilma Flintstone : We were trying to figure out what Fred will be doing on TV.

  Barney Rubble : He wouldn't tell me, Wilma, but I bet it's the lampshade act.

• Fred Flintstone : [upon noticing his guests have all left]  Hey, where did everybody go?

  Wilma Flintstone : They all went home, Fred. They were ashamed for you.

  Fred Flintstone : Ashamed for me? I don't get it. I thought I looked pretty good. It would be different if I was that fat before guy, but as the after guy, I thought I shaped up great.

  Wilma Flintstone : Fred Flintstone, you were the before guy.

  Fred Flintstone : After!

  Wilma Flintstone : Before!

  Fred Flintstone : After!

  Wilma Flintstone : Before!

  Fred Flintstone : All right, hold it, hold it! We'll let Betty and Barney decide. Now, was I the fat, lardy before, or was I the muscular, handsome after? Take your time, think it over. Well?

  Barney Rubble : You were the fat, lardy before, Fred.

  Betty Rubble : That's right, the soft, flabby one.

  Fred Flintstone : How about that? Not only are they false friends, but they both need glasses.

  Wilma Flintstone : They are not false friends, and you're the one who needs glasses, Fred Flintstone.

  Fred Flintstone : Come to think of it, uh, I think I was standing on the before side. Ah, but you know what they say, television adds 10 pounds to your appearance.

  Wilma Flintstone : Well, eating like a horse has added 50 pounds to yours.

• Betty Rubble : Do you think Fred can really lose 25 pounds, Wilma?

  Wilma Flintstone : If he sticks to the diet the doctor put him on, he can.

  Betty Rubble : But Fred's appetite. He's always eating snacks.

  Wilma Flintstone : Fred's got an appetite for money, too.

  Barney Rubble : It's going to be a battle between the snackeroos and the smackeroos, huh, Wilma?