The Flintstones (TV Series)

Fred Flintstone: Before and After (1961)

Jean Vander Pyl: Wilma Flintstone, Assistant

Quotes 

• Wilma Flintstone : [confronting the producer]  And another thing, you old goat, if that commercial isn't taken off the air immediately, I'll sue you, report you to the FCC, and... and slap your face!

  B.J. : Now, now, now, calm yourself, Mrs. Flintstone. Of course we'll take it off the air if you insist. But it's a shame, your husband was a big success.

  Wilma Flintstone : What do you mean?

  B.J. : Well, we've had a lot of calls about the method and nobody wants to look like your husband.

• [after Fred wins the $1000] 

  Wilma Flintstone : Oh, thank goodness it's all over. Now Fred can eat his way back to being a nice guy again.

• Wilma Flintstone : Oh, goodness!

  Betty Rubble : What's wrong, Wilma?

  Wilma Flintstone : The wax fruit has disappeared.

  Betty Rubble : Fred?

  Wilma Flintstone : Who else? But I'm not worried, there are no calories in wax fruit.

• Betty Rubble : Wilma, I don't mean this as it sounds, but what could Fred do on TV?

  Wilma Flintstone : I'm sure I don't know. His big act at parties is the lampshade on his head routine. And I don't think television is that desperate yet.

• Fred Flintstone : [while attempting to steal food from Dino]  Nice Dino. Nice Dino. Let Fred just look at what you got in the dish. Come on now. Come on, I'm the guy who bought it for you. You're supposed to be man's best friend.

  [reaches for Dino's food] 

  Fred Flintstone : And, best friend, I am taking that bone.

  [from inside the house, Wilma and Betty hear a biting sound] 

  Fred Flintstone : Yeowch!

  Betty Rubble : What was that?

  Wilma Flintstone : Oh, Fred must be at Dino's food again. But Dino's smart, he buries his bone at night when Fred's asleep.

• Betty Rubble : It's been a week since Fred started Operation Diet. What has he lost so far?

  Wilma Flintstone : So far, all he's lost is his temper. Not one ounce of weight.

  Barney Rubble : Uh, maybe he's raiding the icebox.

  Wilma Flintstone : He promised me he wouldn't, Barney. Besides, I've got it hooked up to an alarm device. If he opens the door, I'd know it.

  [a loud explosion is heard] 

  Betty Rubble : Good grief, what's that?

  Wilma Flintstone : The icebox.

  Fred Flintstone : Wilma!

  Wilma Flintstone : Yes, Fred?

  Fred Flintstone : [appears covered in smoke]  Booby-trapping the icebox was a low-down, despicable trick. Fine thing when a wife doesn't trust her husband.

• Guest : [laughs]  Oh, that Fred! He's got a lampshade on his head!

  Wilma Flintstone : Fred, take it off. You look silly.

  Fred Flintstone : That's the old warm up, we call it in TV land, Wilma.

  Wilma Flintstone : Well, it's the old corn, we call it around here.

• Barney Rubble : Hiya, girls, what's the big conference about?

  Wilma Flintstone : We were trying to figure out what Fred will be doing on TV.

  Barney Rubble : He wouldn't tell me, Wilma, but I bet it's the lampshade act.

• Fred Flintstone : [upon noticing his guests have all left]  Hey, where did everybody go?

  Wilma Flintstone : They all went home, Fred. They were ashamed for you.

  Fred Flintstone : Ashamed for me? I don't get it. I thought I looked pretty good. It would be different if I was that fat before guy, but as the after guy, I thought I shaped up great.

  Wilma Flintstone : Fred Flintstone, you were the before guy.

  Fred Flintstone : After!

  Wilma Flintstone : Before!

  Fred Flintstone : After!

  Wilma Flintstone : Before!

  Fred Flintstone : All right, hold it, hold it! We'll let Betty and Barney decide. Now, was I the fat, lardy before, or was I the muscular, handsome after? Take your time, think it over. Well?

  Barney Rubble : You were the fat, lardy before, Fred.

  Betty Rubble : That's right, the soft, flabby one.

  Fred Flintstone : How about that? Not only are they false friends, but they both need glasses.

  Wilma Flintstone : They are not false friends, and you're the one who needs glasses, Fred Flintstone.

  Fred Flintstone : Come to think of it, uh, I think I was standing on the before side. Ah, but you know what they say, television adds 10 pounds to your appearance.

  Wilma Flintstone : Well, eating like a horse has added 50 pounds to yours.

• Betty Rubble : Do you think Fred can really lose 25 pounds, Wilma?

  Wilma Flintstone : If he sticks to the diet the doctor put him on, he can.

  Betty Rubble : But Fred's appetite. He's always eating snacks.

  Wilma Flintstone : Fred's got an appetite for money, too.

  Barney Rubble : It's going to be a battle between the snackeroos and the smackeroos, huh, Wilma?