The Flintstones (TV Series)

Fred Flintstone Woos Again (1961)

Alan Reed: Fred Flintstone

Quotes 

• Fred Flintstone : [about Stonewall]  Imagine, a man like him sweeping floors. Oh, the marrying business must be falling off.

  Clerk : And what's wrong with sweeping floors? It happens to be his job.

  Fred Flintstone : His job? But he's the Justice of the Peace.

  Clerk : Stonewall? Oh, no, no. Judge Wedrock has been the Justice of the Peace here for 30 years. That man is his brother-in-law, and is he a card. He's always pulling off some kind of a joke. He pulled a gag yesterday that was a lulu. Get this... a couple stopped in at the coffee shop to have their marriage ceremony performed again by Judge Wedrock. Well, Stonewall told them that the judge was in jail for marrying people without a license. And...

  [laughs] 

  Clerk : All the time, the judge was in the back taking a nap!

  [laughs] 

  Clerk : Ain't that hilarious?

  Fred Flintstone : [sarcastically]  Ha, ha, ha, ha. Yeah, yeah. Really tickles my funny bone... but I'm gonna BREAK his!

• Fred Flintstone : Well, there it is, Wilma. The old Rock Mountain Inn. Hasn't changed a bit, has it?

  Wilma Flintstone : [giggles]  Ah, I wonder if the desk clerk will remember us.

  Fred Flintstone : After 15 years? Nah.

  [later] 

  Clerk : Well, it's you again! How do you do, Mrs. Flintstone? You look exactly like you did, eh, about 15 years ago, wasn't it?

  Wilma Flintstone : [giggles]  That's right, and thank you for the compliment.

  Clerk : Yes. But who's the fat guy with you? I don't remember him.

  Fred Flintstone : Fat guy? Why, you... I'm Fred Flintstone, her husband.

  Clerk : Indeed. My, my. Well, Mr. Flintstone, you look like you've been living off the... fat of the land for 15 years.

  Fred Flintstone : One more crack like that, and you'll be living with a fat lip.

• Betty Rubble : Wilma says if Fred wants to marry her, he can prove it by acting like any man who's in love with her.

  Fred Flintstone : Well, I ain't any man.

  Betty Rubble : That's what Wilma says.

  Fred Flintstone : I'm her husband.

  Betty Rubble : Wilma says she can prove that you're not.

  Fred Flintstone : Wilma says this. Wilma says that. What about what Fred says?

  Betty Rubble : Wilma says I shouldn't pay any attention to that.

• Wilma Flintstone : [reads sign]  Justice of the Peace and Coffee Shop.

  Barney Rubble : [reads another sign]  2nd Ceremony and 2nd Cup Free.

  Fred Flintstone : Coffee must be to keep you awake during the ceremony.

• Betty Rubble : [after the phone rings]  I'll get it.

  Barney Rubble : I'll bet that's Wilma.

  Fred Flintstone : Yeah, ready to apologize.

  Betty Rubble : [on the phone]  Hello?

  [Wilma talks] 

  Betty Rubble : Oh, yes, he's here, Wilma.

  [Wilma talks] 

  Betty Rubble : Okay, I'll tell him.

  [hangs up] 

  Fred Flintstone : Well? Well, what did she say? She's sorry, huh?

  Betty Rubble : She didn't say anything about you, Fred. Wilma wants me to ask Barney if he could use an extra bowling ball.

• Fred Flintstone : What happened, Barney? Why have I got this brontosaurus steak on my face? Where am I?

  Barney Rubble : Uh, in answer to your question, Fred: One, you got clobbered. Two, you got a black eye. And three, you're in my house. How do you feel, Fred?

  Fred Flintstone : Awful. How do I look?

  Barney Rubble : Awful.

• Wilma Flintstone : [while riding on a four-seated bike with Fred and the Rubbles]  I don't know what it is, Fred, but there seems to be something missing. There's the same tree.

  Fred Flintstone : Yep. Hee hee hee. I carved our initials into it.

  Wilma Flintstone : And there's the same garden.

  Fred Flintstone : I picked your first bouquet from there.

  [the group passes a sign that says "Do not pick flowers"] 

  Wilma Flintstone : And you had to pay a fine for picking the flowers.

• Fred Flintstone : [on the phone]  Hello, Wilma?

  Wilma Flintstone : Yes? Who is this?

  Fred Flintstone : Oh, come on! You know who this is!

  Wilma Flintstone : Your voice sounds familiar. Is it Tom? Dick? Marvin?

  Fred Flintstone : No, it isn't Tom, Dick, Marvin. It's Fred!

  Wilma Flintstone : Fred. Do I know a Fred? Oh, you must be Fred Flintstone.

  Fred Flintstone : [hangs up]  That does it! I ain't going through with it!