The Flintstones (TV Series)

No Help Wanted (1960)

Alan Reed: Fred Flintstone

Photos 

Quotes 

• Fred Flintstone : [after discovering Barney has walked away with the TV set]  Are you nuts?

  Barney Rubble : But Fred, you told me to be ruthless.

  Fred Flintstone : Ruthless? You put that set back or you'll be toothless!

• Barney Rubble : [Hiding in the TV set]  Are you having trouble sleeping at night? It might be because you're a deadbeat. Pay off those annoying TV bills with one big payment, and get a good night's sleep.

  Fred Flintstone : [Picks up TV set and starts shaking it]  Rubble, I'll get you out of there even if I have to wreck the set!

• Fred Flintstone : You know, Wilma, I've been feeling wonderful this past week. Must be because I haven't seen that ungrateful neighbor of ours, Barney Rubble.

  Wilma Flintstone : Ungrateful? How come?

  Fred Flintstone : I'll tell you how come. I figured that Barney wasn't getting paid enough. So last week I went to see his boss. I told him I was Barney's agent and, boy, did I lay it on the line.

  Wilma Flintstone : Laid what on the line, Fred?

  Fred Flintstone : Well, I told him I was collective bargaining for Barney. And unless Barney collected a lot of retroactive pay, the bargain was over. Then I told Barney to put his broom down and go see his boss.

  Wilma Flintstone : And then what?

  Fred Flintstone : I haven't seen that ingrate Barney since. He's probably living it up on that big fat raise I got him. Ah, heh, heh. Who cares? Just not seeing him around is worth it. It's water over the bridge.

  [Wilma serves his dinner] 

  Fred Flintstone : Nothing could get me mad. Not the way I feel. Nothing.

  [notices one small fish on his plate] 

  Fred Flintstone : Wilma! What's the idea? One smelt for dinner?

  Wilma Flintstone : I thought nothing could get you mad, Fred.

  Fred Flintstone : Well, one measly smelt is nothing. And I'm mad. I need nourishment. I'm a growing man.

  Wilma Flintstone : You're growing, all right. You're growing impossible.

  Fred Flintstone : Oh, yeah? What happened to the dinosaur steak I brought home last night?

  Wilma Flintstone : Well, if you must know, I gave it to Betty and Barney.

  Fred Flintstone : Betty... and Barney?

  Wilma Flintstone : That's right.

  Fred Flintstone : So it isn't enough I get the guy more dough, he's got to sponge off my wife when my back is turned. I'm gonna go see that sponge and squeeze his ungrateful head.

  Wilma Flintstone : Fred, just a minute!

  [Wilma steps in front of the door] 

  Fred Flintstone : Get away from that door, Wilma. My chivalry is getting thin.

  Wilma Flintstone : And that's the only thing about you that is getting thin. Now you listen to me, blabbermouth. The reason I gave them the steak is because they haven't had a decent meal all week. They're too proud to ask for help, but the truth is they're flat broke.

  Fred Flintstone : Broke? Well, what's Barney doing with all that money I got him?

  Wilma Flintstone : Are you kidding? All you got him was a place in the unemployment line.

  Fred Flintstone : Huh?

  Wilma Flintstone : After you got through shooting off your big mouth to Barney's boss, he fired Barney.

  Fred Flintstone : [feeling guilty]  Gee... I... I was only trying to help.

  Wilma Flintstone : Well, you better think of something that will help Barney or you'll be eating smelt all month.

  Fred Flintstone : Okay, Wilma, I'll... I'll... I'll... I'll think of something. Sheesh! Me and my big mouth.

• Fred Flintstone : [Learns that Barney has been asked to repossess his golf clubs]  You touch one club, and I'll mash your head in with a mashie!

• Fred Flintstone : Your only friend is a buck and the more bucks you got the more friends you got.

• [Fred hits the ball, the ball hits a rock, and comes back] 

  Barney Rubble : Did you keep your eye on the ball, Fred?

  [Fred approaches Barney and shows the ball stuck on his eye] 

  Fred Flintstone : Does THAT answer your stupid question?

• Barney Rubble : [hands Mr. Boulder a golf club]  Here you are, Mr. Boulder. This looks like a pretty good one

  Edgar Boulder : A putter? To drive with? Well, okay, you're the caddie. You know this game better than I do.

  Fred Flintstone : [chuckles silently]  Driving with a putter, yet. Oh, boy, this is gonna be good.

  [Mr. Boulder swings and he makes a perfect hole in one] 

  Fred Flintstone : A hole in one!

  Barney Rubble : Is that good, Fred?

  Edgar Boulder : You're a whiz, Rubble. That's the first hole in one I ever shot, and I did it with a putter, thanks to you.

  Barney Rubble : Hey, it looks like I'm winning a friend, huh, Fred?

  Fred Flintstone : You could still end up even. You're losing me.

• Edgar Boulder : Hey, Rubble, what'll I do now? My ball's down here in this sand trap.

  Barney Rubble : Uh, down in a sand trap. Let's see, uh...

  [passes a different club] 

  Barney Rubble : Well, uh, try this, Mr. Boulder.

  Edgar Boulder : A driver?

  Fred Flintstone : [chuckles silently]  A driver in a sand trap. Heh! Heh! You wanna make it double or nothing, Mr. Boulder?

  Edgar Boulder : Okay, it's a bet.

  [Mr. Boulder swings hard, the ball goes into the hole from underground, and Mr. Boulder wins] 

  Fred Flintstone : Oh, no. No. No! No! No! No!

  [falls to the ground] 

  Fred Flintstone : And I made it double or nothing! Oh, no!

  [sobs heavily] 

  Edgar Boulder : [chuckles]  Flintstone's a good winner, but he's certainly a poor loser.

• Fred Flintstone : [Preparing to tee off]  FORE!

  Barney Rubble : [Interrupting Fred's swing]  What's 'fore' mean Fred?

  Fred Flintstone : [Yelling]  DON'T... EVER... DO... THAT... AGAIN!