Frasier (TV Series)

Crock Tales (2004)

David Hyde Pierce: Dr. Niles Crane

Quotes 

• Frasier : Niles, will you please stop being so morose? It is Thanksgiving.

  Niles : Oh, you're right! I should count my blessings: I'm in the midst of a bitter divorce. Maris is freezing my assets, forcing me to live in the Shangri-La, which is the devil's own apartment complex. Where, last night, they turned off my heat, re-freezing my assets.

• Frasier : All I said to Maris was, "Why the long face?"

  Niles : Yes, and now, thanks to you, she's on the phone to her chin grinder in Zurich.

• Niles : Last night, Daphne and I engaged in sweet carnal delights.

  Martin Crane : [uneasy]  Did you say "carnal" or "caramel?"

• Daphne : Hello!

  Frasier : Oh, hi!

  [kisses her cheek and hugs her] 

  Frasier : How was the honeymoon?

  Daphne : Oh, Tahiti was absolute paradise - except for poor Niles getting sunburned.

  Frasier : [Niles staggers in]  Oh dear, Niles. You look like you've crawled out of a bisque.

  Niles : And you look like someone who doesn't want his Paul Gauguin souvenir oven mitt.

  Frasier : Niles, you remembered.

• Daphne : Dr. Crane, I know what you're going to do!

  Niles : You do?

  Daphne : Not you, Dr. Crane, Dr. Crane! And you can't fire me, because I quit!

  Frasier : What?

  Daphne : After all I've done to save you money! I'm washing my face with dish soap while you're out buying imported bath salts like a big rich girl! I hope you rot in debtors' prison!

• Daphne : Oh, you know, I think I left your present in my room. Niles, will you help me with it?

  Niles : Oh, of course. We'll be back very quickie.

  Daphne : Quickly.

  Niles : Quickly.