- William 'Will' Smith: Shut up, Carlton, before we send you back to the white family that left you here.
- William 'Will' Smith: I want to have a lot of kids like six and have them all right after another.
- Carlton Banks: Will, they're babies, not malt liquor.
- [Uncle Phil suggests going out to eat]
- Hilary: Ok, but I'm not sitting between you and the dessert cart. Last time I almost lost an eye.
- William 'Will' Smith: Hey, Ash, say something to the baby.
- [Ashley blows a raspberry]
- William 'Will' Smith: Care to elaborate?
- Ashley Banks: Plenty.
- William 'Will' Smith: [into a tape recorder] Don't worry. She's just upset 'cuz she found out she ain't adopted.
- Ashley Banks: I bet you never did all this stuff when you had me. You probably smoked cigarettes and took up horseback riding until the day you had me.
- Vivian Banks: Ashley, we took the same precautions with you that we did with Hilary and Carlton.
- William 'Will' Smith: Oh, bungee jumping.
- Shantay: [in Will's fantasy of having a family] Did you have a hard day shooting the naked centerfold models?
- William 'Will' Smith: Yeah, today we shot LaToya Jackson. I had to keep turning off the lights because she was melting.