- Vivian Banks: Carlton, being a teenage parent is very hard and you have already proved yourself irresponsible by getting yourself into this mess. How are you gonna raise him, feed him, educate him?
- Carlton Banks: Wait. You guys aren't gonna take care of us?
- Vivian Banks: Hold me back, Phillip!
- [lunges toward Carlton]
- William 'Will' Smith: Stand back, y'all! I got a banana and if either of you take one more step, I'll fill both of ya with potassium.
- William 'Will' Smith: [to Carlton] You know that model in all them Hugo Boss ads?
- Carlton Banks: Yeah?
- William 'Will' Smith: You don't look nothing like him.
- Carlton Banks: [to the baby] Here comes Mr. Ducky! Doesn't he quack you up?
- [the baby throws the toy]
- Carlton Banks: Wow, if I could make a throw like that, they wouldn't have made me play on the girls' team.
- Vivian Banks: [to Will] Where have you been?
- William 'Will' Smith: At the fridge.
- Philip Banks: At this hour?
- William 'Will' Smith: It's 8:00.
- Vivian Banks: Listen to us, Philip. We're overreacting.
- Philip Banks: This is Will. There's no such thing as overreacting.
- William 'Will' Smith: Adolf, Eva, why don't you just take it easy?
- William 'Will' Smith: I would like to point out that Uncle Phil's head is about to explode and for once it ain't my fault.
- Vivian Banks: I am never wearing a bathing suit again as long as I live!
- Philip Banks: Now, honey, I'm sure the pool man didn't really mistake you for me.
- Ashley Banks: [about the baby] Boy, when Mom and Dad see this, somebody's gonna swing.
- Geoffrey Butler: Well, I can assure you it won't be me. This time the butler didn't do it. Hasn't done it. And I'd be surprised if he even remembered how to do it.