Friends (TV Series)

The One with Phoebe's Husband (1995)

Lisa Kudrow: Phoebe Buffay

Photos 

Quotes 

• Monica : I saw you eat a cheeseburger!

  [Everyone gasps] 

  Monica : Well, didn't you?

  Phoebe : I might have.

  Monica : I can't believe you didn't tell me.

  Phoebe : C'mon. Like you tell me everything?

  Monica : What haven't I told you?

  Phoebe : Oh I don't know. How about the fact that the underwear out on the telephone pole is yours from when you were having sex with Fun Bobby on the terrace!

  [Everyone runs to the window to look] 

  Monica : Who told you that?

  [Looks at Chandler] 

  Monica : You are dead meat.

  Chandler : I didn't know if was a big secret.

  Monica : Oh, it's not big. Not at all. You know, kind of the same as, I don't know, a third nipple!

  Phoebe : [Gasps]  You have a third nipple?

  Chandler : [to Monica]  You bitch!

  Ross : Whip it out! Whip it out!

  Chandler : No. C'mon! There's nothing to see. It's a tiny bump. It's totally useless.

  Rachel : As opposed to your other multi-functional nipples?

  Joey : I can't believe you! You told me it was a nubbin!

  Ross : Joey, what did you think a nubbin was?

  Joey : I don't know. You see something, you hear a word. I thought that was it. Let me see it again!

  Ross : Yes! Show us your nubbin!

  Chandler : [Doesn't know what to say while everyone comes at him]  Joey was in a porno movie!

  [Everyone gasps. Joey is shocked Chandler would say that] 

  Chandler : If I'm going down, I'm taking everybody with me.

• Phoebe : I don't understand. How can you be straight? I mean, you're so smart and funny, and you throw such great Academy Award parties.

  Duncan : I know. That's what I kept telling myself. But you just reach a point where you can't live a lie anymore.

  Phoebe : So how long have you known?

  Duncan : I guess on some level I always knew I was straight. I thought I was supposed to be something else. You know, I'm an ice dancer, all my friends are gay. I was just trying to fit in.

  Phoebe : And, um... And there's actually a woman?

  Duncan : Her name's Debra.

  Phoebe : Oh. Well, is she the first that you've been with?

  Duncan : Well, I've never told you this but there were one or two times back in college when I'd get really drunk and go to a straight bar and wake up with a woman next to me. But I told myself it was the liquor, and everyone experiments in college... But now I know I don't have a choice about this. I was born this way.