- Bender: Professor, make a woman out of me.
- Prof. Hubert J. Farnsworth: Oh, I think we should just stay friends.
- Bender: I don't need friends! I need a sex-change operation, and give it to me now!
- Prof. Hubert J. Farnsworth: Bender, a robot sex change is a complex and dangerous procedure. Replacing your testoster-oil with fem-bot lubricants can cause wild mood swings. And the effects may be irreversible.
- Bender: My dreams are over before they began!
- Dr. Zoidberg: [happily] Welcome to my life!
- [starts crying]
- Olympics Commentor: Barbados Slim takes an early lead. God, I hope he wins. What's this? Hermes Conrad is closing the gap. He's limbo-ed out of retirement and straight into my heart. I say go to hell, Barbados Slim!
- Philip J. Fry: I can't watch this 'cause it's creepy and wrong and sick. However, I will watch out of curiosity.
- Calculon: [On TV, reenacting the wedding] Coilette, your death fills me with sorrow... anger, fear. Every emotion an actor can dislay.
- Prof. Hubert J. Farnsworth: [to everyone watching TV] Turn off that crap-o-rama! One mistake now, and Bender will be trapped forever between the already ill-defined robot sexes.
- [Uses a hammer and a chisel on Bender]
- Bender: Oh! Ooh! Ow! Ooh!
- Philip J. Fry: Well, Bender, I hope this has taught you a lesson about changing your sex to win five gold medals.
- Bender: [Soft voice] It truly has. My romance with Calculon has shown me a lot about myself.
- Prof. Hubert J. Farnsworth: [Still hammering on Bender] Almost done.
- Bender: [Continuing in a soft voice] If only somehow, some way...
- [Normal voice returns]
- Bender: he and I could drive to Vegas pick up some floozy-bots and void their warranties all night long! Whoo!
- [Sits up and rips wedding dress off]
- Philip J. Fry: Yay, my buddy's home! And his respect for women is back to normal.
- Philip J. Fry: Who do I root for? America, or one of those countries I learned about at the food court?
- Humorbot 5.0: So, Calculon. Do you want to set up this clip from "All My Circuits"?
- Calculon: No, I think it's self-explanatory.
- [clip shows Calculon knealing, screaming to the heavens, while a pirate is grilling hamburgers]
- Calculon: Noooo!
- [clip ends]
- Calculon: Funny story. The script called for me to say "Yes", but I gave it a little twist.
- Humorbot 5.0: Anecdote accepted. Snappy comeback not found.
- Bender: [going on a date with Calculon] This outfit makes me look fat. Is it trampy to go on a first date nude?
- Elzar: [on serving dinner to the sex-changed Bender] Hey, ma'am, you sure can put it away. You saved me a trip to the dump! Bam!
- Philip J. Fry: [to Bender] I'll miss you. You've been like a brother and then a sister to me. And now you're getting married. I love you, man.
- Bender: The marriage is a scam.
- Philip J. Fry: Cool. What's for dinner?
- Turanga Leela: What do you mean, a scam?
- Bender: I marry Calculon, divorce him. Take half his money and turn back into a guy. It's sort of a two-person pyramid scheme.
- Philip J. Fry: That's marriage, all right.
- Turanga Leela: That is so unbelievably manipulative!
- Bender: You never went on a date with a guy just 'cause you were hungry?
- Turanga Leela: I, uh. I thought I might like him on a full stomach.
- Bender: Nice try, sister.