Gilmore Girls (TV Series)
Chicken or Beef? (2003)
Lauren Graham: Lorelai Gilmore
Photos
Quotes
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Rory Gilmore : [visiting from Yale to find the house's new alarm blasting] I can't even believe there's a security company in Stars Hollow. Nothing ever happens here!
Lorelai Gilmore : Oh that is not true. Plenty happens here.
Rory Gilmore : Like what?
Lorelai Gilmore : Like, people now break into your houses and install alarm systems.
Rory Gilmore : I heard about that.
Lorelai Gilmore : And we have a new mail carrier.
Rory Gilmore : We do?
Lorelai Gilmore : Yeah. So now, if you want to get your mail, you have to go see Miss Patty.
Rory Gilmore : Why?
Lorelai Gilmore : Cause that's where he brings it. He brings Babette's mail to Andrew, Norma's mail to the deli, and Taylor still hasn't found his mail, which I have to admit is kinda fun.
Rory Gilmore : I rescind my previous statement. This place is hopping.
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Luke Danes : There is no fate.
Lorelai Gilmore : What do you mean there is no fate! Of course there is fate!
Luke Danes : There is no fate, there is no destiny, there is no luck. Astrology is ridiculous. Tarot cards tell you nothing, you cannot read a palm, tea leaves make tea and nothing else. Jim Morrison is not hanging out with Elvis. And the Kennedys did not kill Marilyn.
Lorelai Gilmore : I totally knew you were gonna say that.
Luke Danes : I came over here, my fault.
Lorelai Gilmore : I read your mind! It spoke to me! We're psychic!
Luke Danes : Enjoy the fries.
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Lorelai Gilmore : [Taylor is making Lorelai's renovation project difficult] That's it!
[She grabs Taylor's lapels]
Taylor Doose : Lorelai, watch it. I've got church later.
Lorelai Gilmore : What did I do to make you torture me like this, Taylor?
Taylor Doose : I don't know what you're talking about.
Lorelai Gilmore : The hoops! The hoops with the jumping and the fire and the hoops!
Taylor Doose : It's just business, Lorelai.
Lorelai Gilmore : I pay to shop in your store. I eat your banana splits. I've never physically hurt you... except for that one spit wad in the one town meeting, but I didn't mean for it to hit your eye and I apologized profusely, so please, please, put me out of my misery and tell me what I need to do to make this thing happen!
Taylor Doose : I want an ice cream truck!
Lorelai Gilmore : What?
Taylor Doose : I want to sell ice cream off a truck in the summer. I want to park it in front of the soda shop. I want to ring the bell on it every day at noon, but the only place I can park it is the space that's partly in front of Luke's diner.
Lorelai Gilmore : So?
Taylor Doose : You have pull with Luke.
Lorelai Gilmore : I guess, maybe.
Taylor Doose : You're friends.
Lorelai Gilmore : Yes.
Taylor Doose : You can get him to agree to this.
Lorelai Gilmore : Use my pull.
Taylor Doose : If you don't mind.
Lorelai Gilmore : So if I get Luke to agree to this, the madness stops?
Taylor Doose : If that's what you want to call it.
Lorelai Gilmore : The work begins and the porch goes?
Taylor Doose : All expedited, nice and neat.
Lorelai Gilmore : An ice cream truck?
Taylor Doose : An ice cream truck.
Lorelai Gilmore : [She lets go of Taylor] You can go.
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Lorelai Gilmore : Kirk, please, what can we do right now? The alarm is just so loud.
Kirk Gleason : Yeah, that's my fault too. I asked Jimmy to really crank it up.
Lorelai Gilmore : Well, he did.
Kirk Gleason : If you're gonna have an alarm, you need it loud. You don't want some crazed knife-wielding gunman at your throat, and the neighbors are going, like, "Is that a fan? Did I leave the water running?" You want them to know, hey, that's an alarm.
Lorelai Gilmore : Your imaginary attacker has a knife *and* a gun?
Kirk Gleason : And a really dirty tank top.