- Stage Manager: Mr. Vaughn! Mr. Vaughn! Did you hgear about the cast change?
- Patrick Vaughn: Cast change?
- Stage Manager: Ronald Bromberg has come down with the flu! He won't be able to play the Sheriff!
- Patrick Vaughn: Well, who can take over the part?
- Dorothy: [Walks in dressed as a sheriff] Hello.
- Stage Manager: She's the only one in the cast who fits into the costume!
- Patrick Vaughn: Ladies, I'm afraid I don't have the time now. I'm doing another project in town, and I have to meet with the director to discuss the nuances of the character I'll be portraying.
- Rose: Oh, I think I read about that. Aren't you playing a tangerine in a television commercial?
- Patrick Vaughn: Yes.
- Blanche: Ooh, how exciting! Have you ever been a fruit before?
- Patrick Vaughn: No, but having been in the musical theater for thirty years, I've had my share of offers.
- Patrick Vaughn: So what harm did I do?
- Rose: What harm did you do? You lied to everybody!
- Blanche: You, sir, are nothin' but a lowdown, carpet-bagging, scallywag! And as God is my witness, I will never shampoo your hair again!
- Dorothy: And another thing, you'll never WHAT?