The Greatest American Hero (TV Series)

Saturday Night on Sunset Boulevard (1981)

Robert Culp: Bill Maxwell

Quotes 

• Ralph Hanley : Bill, we are just sitting down to enjoy a nice dinner.

  Bill Maxwell : Oh, you were? Well, in that case, please don't let 20 years down the drain of dedicated service interrupt any of your plans for dinner. I mean, let's get out the Iranian caviar, give the Ayatollah something to really cheer about.

• Bill Maxwell : Well, well, well. This is my unit, Ralph? Just what I always wanted, romper room.

  Tony Villicana : Hey, Mr. H., this guys wants our help, he better learn how to say please.

  Bill Maxwell : You, on any given day, the one thing I don't want to hear is some hubcap stealing shrimp telling me how to run my unit.

  Tony Villicana : You got your gun on you?

  Bill Maxwell : Yeah.

  Tony Villicana : You going to wave a piece of iron in my face again?

• Tony Villicana : Hey, Maxwell. If I come across any chrome spinners, I'll pick them up for you, you know? Put a little fun in your life.

  Bill Maxwell : Every day of my life I'm looking for wise-guys, Villicana. I'm sure glad I didn't miss out on you.

• Cyler Johnson : [in a phone booth]  Yeah, we're down here on the corner where the F.B.I. picked up Theresa and Serg, right. Ain't noting happening man, what's going? Ain't noting going on down here.

  Bill Maxwell : Wait a minute, wait a minute. That ain't no way to give a report. Start with your name. Last name first, middle name, first name last. Then location, then your facts, then stand by for instructions.

  Cyler Johnson : Look buddy, you're a real fruitcake. I got nothing here so far and my instructions to you are drop dead.

  [hangs up] 

• Bill Maxwell : [talking about Tony]  That kid's got some edges, all right, but you know if I could get my hands on him for a couple weeks away from these bad influences, I bet I could iron him out for you.

  Ralph Hanley : You like him, huh?

  Bill Maxwell : No, I don't like him, Ralph, he's a punk. I'm just saying he could get straightened out, that's all. Will you stop making me sound like a Peace Corps volunteer all the time?

  Ralph Hanley : There's nothing wrong with liking Tony, Bill. There's a lot to like here. Just have to get past the cocky thing that he does.

  Bill Maxwell : Those kids play you like a fiddle, Ralph. You've got to remember they need a little dose of the old boot in the backside in a while just to get their attention span unlocked, grind their pumps.