- Vernon Scripps: I get some of my best ideas in pubs and last night was no exception.
- Bernard 'Bernie' Scripps: Oh no.
- [PC Nicholson has just stepped on some horse droppings]
- PC Phil Bellamy: [laughing] You're always putting your foot in, you.
- [to a group of angry farmers one of whom may have written a warning on the wall of Ashfordly police station using red paint]
- Probationary PC Tom Nicholson: You should be going to Ashfordly and paint the town red.