- Jill: The family is always together on Christmas. We hang our stockings together. We talk to relatives on the phone. You have your new saxophone so you can play along while we sing carols and I'm going to make nana's special oyster pecan stuffing.
- Tim: [Gagging] Do you suppose there's room for one more skier in that car?
- Jill: We're always together at Christmas, even that year your father fell down the chimney. We were together. We were in the emergency room but we were together.
- Al: I remember my first Christmas rebellion: I was so mad. My parents went out and bought an artificial tree. The whole Christmas I refused to sing 'Oh, Tannenbaum'.
- Tim: Oh, my. You were a bad, bad Borland.
- [to Jill]
- Tim: Are you all right?
- Al: Yeah I'm okay. It was a long time ago.
- Tim: [to Jill] I meant, are YOU okay?
- [the members of the Christmas service choir have letters pinned onto their robes to spell "NOEL", but are standing out of order]
- Al: Who's "LEON"?
- Randy Taylor: Maybe Leon was born in the manger next door.
- Tim: All right, you stay in your room. I don't want you sneaking downstairs to watch that Tool Time marathon.
- Wilson: Well good golly, Taylors, I think you've won the contest. I did not realize there was a full-size electric Tim on the roof.