- Tim Taylor: If a woman holds up a stop sign, if she designed it, it would say "If you really knew me, you'd know what you should do right now".
- Jill Taylor: Brad, you're way too young to be thinking about kissing. There's other things you need to think about first, like, um, shaving.
- Brad Taylor: I shaved.
- Randy Taylor: Not a cat, stupid!
- Jill Taylor: I wanted to be more subtle, what did you expect me to say? "The kids are gone, I'm home alone, come and take me big daddy"?
- Tim Taylor: Now *that* I understand!
- Tim Taylor: Jill says she's sending out signals that I'm not picking up. I say, the signals are so subtle, NO man can pick them up!
- Wilson Wilson, Jr.: Well Tim, I think men are capable of picking up very subtle ideas.
- Tim Taylor: [Looks confused] What are you saying?
- Wilson Wilson, Jr.: Well, maybe not ALL men!
- Tim Taylor: [Tim is posing as Fred the electrician, Jill kisses him] You don't want to pay your bill, do you lady?
- Tim Taylor: Welcome to Tool Time. I'm your host, Tim "The Toolman" Taylor. You all know my assistant Al "I Can't Find A Better Job" Borland!
- Tim Taylor: After all Al, a safe workplace is a happy workplace, right?
- Al Borland: I wouldn't know Tim.
- Tim Taylor: [Whilst holding a flame thrower] Al, wanna hold that letter up for me?
- Al Borland: [Dryly] I don't think so, Tim.
- Randy Taylor: [Looking at Brad and Jennifer through the window] I think Brad and Jennifer are gonna kiss.
- Jill Taylor: [Surprised] What?
- Randy Taylor: They've been looking at eachother like that for an hour.
- Jill Taylor: I have never seen him stare at anything that long. Maybe I should just glue his history book to her face.
- Brad Taylor: When you and mom kiss, do you ever bump noses?
- Tim Taylor: Are you kidding? We got the tilt thing down. When you kiss a woman, you gotta lean to one side, she's gotta go to the other side, so you don't mash noses.
- [Ponders briefly]
- Tim Taylor: Unless you could find a woman whose nose is big enough so you could fit right into it!
- Tim Taylor: [Demonstrating some safety goggles that Al is wearing] These goggles are specially coated to reduce glare and prevent scratching.
- Al Borland: And they're vented for your added comfort.
- Tim Taylor: And so is Al!
- Wilson Wilson, Jr.: [Taking a sip of wine] Here's to L'Amour.
- Tim Taylor: There won't be any L'Amour in this house tonight!
- Jill Taylor: [Tim is posing as Fred the electrician and tweaking the telephone] Well Fred, while you're tweaking, maybe I should get us a glass of wine?
- Tim Taylor: Do you usually talk to repairmen like this?