- Jill: I am so glad that I didn't let anybody talk me out of marrying you.
- Tim: Who tried to talk you out of marrying me?
- Jill: Oh no one, you know, my mom, my dad, my sisters, my cousins, the minister, the post man, some guy down at the mail box, you know, oh and Sheila, who said to me, "Don't marry him, I know a loser when I see one".
- Tim: Good thing she was wrong.
- Jill: Who said she was wrong?
- Tim: [They're in the car, driving to a wedding] I know where we're going. I know where we are.
- Jill: There's a sign. "Adrian, Six Miles". Adrian. Adrian is on 223, we are down and right. We should be up and left. We have gone way out of the way.
- Tim: Thank you, Rand McNally. And we're only an inch or so off.
- Jill: I see, so when we hit Ecuador, you'll say we're off by about a foot and a half?
- Tim: By the time I stop and ask for directions, we're going to be there. Watch the map; you're folding it wrong.
- Jill: Who died and made you the map police?
- Tim: The next sign we see will be North Adams. Right there, what does that sign say?
- Jill: "Welcome to Ohio".
- Tim: Um... We won't be needing that Michigan map, will we?
- Tim: I know the church. She's almost been married there three times. Just follow the tear drops right up to the door. Besides, I think you're forgetting who has the radar-like sense of direction around here.
- [Heads to the garage]
- Jill: Tim, car's out front.
- Tim: Um... Well the radar doesn't really kick in until you get in the car.
- Wilson: Tim, don't sell your stupid instincts short. Do you realize that people have a tiny compass in their nose?
- Tim: I was never aware of that. No.
- Wilson: Yes, people have a tiny iron deposit in their nose. And that gives them directions to magnetic north and since men have more iron in their bodies than women, it only follows that they would make a better compass.
- Tim: Then how come I couldn't find the wedding?
- Wilson: Well, Tim, a map is a little more acurate than your nose. It's also a heck of a lot easier to fold.
- Tim: [Later; to Jill] I just got all disoriented, even though my nose is filled with iron boogers.
- Tim: [Tim stops at a gas station to ask for directions] Officer?
- Officer Lambert: Hi there, what can I do for you?
- Tim: I'm on my way to a wedding and I gotta find 127.
- Officer Lambert: 127? That's pretty far! You're REALLY lost!
- Marty: WAY lost!
- Tim: Well, I let my wife do the navigating. You know how that is!
- Officer Lambert: You're on County Road 6. You wanna follow it north, two-tenths of a mile of 20.
- Tim: Is north right or left?
- Officer Lambert: It's left.
- Tim: Thanks alot, you guys.
- [Goes to leave]
- Marty: No, he can't go that way!
- Officer Lambert: Sure he can, Marty.
- Marty: Radio says County Road 6 closed near 20 John. Fallen tree.
- Officer Lambert: Ah, yeah!
- Marty: You can take County Road 6, turn west on Elmwood.
- Officer Lambert: Which is right before Oakwood! So you hit Oakwood, you've gone too far!
- Tim: What's before Elmwood?
- Officer Lambert: Etchwood! But what do you care? You're going to Elmwood!
- Tim: [Smiles - even more confused. Goes to leave] Thanks, guys.
- Officer Lambert: Whoa whoa whoa whoa... what am I talking about? Elmwood's closed!
- Tim: Fallen tree?
- Officer Lambert: No, dead cow! Frozen to the highway!
- Tim: What?
- Marty: Happens alot!