Home Improvement (TV Series)

Yule Better Watch Out (1991)

Tim Allen: Tim Taylor

Photos 

Quotes 

• Mark Taylor : So Santa's alive?

  Jill Taylor : ...Yeah; you sat on his lap at the mall.

  Mark Taylor : But there are a lot of malls; how can he be at every one?

  Tim Taylor : He's real fast for a fat guy.

  Jill Taylor : Actually, honey, I think that those guys at the mall are Santa's helpers - you know, the way that Al is Daddy's helper.

  Tim Taylor : Right.

  Mark Taylor : [suddenly understanding]  So *they* do all the work.

  Tim Taylor : [irritated]  They *assist* Santa, like Al *assists* me.

• Tim Taylor : [advising Randy on his role in the Christmas pageant]  Got an idea - right after you say your line "There's no room at the inn", add this: "You shoulda called our 1-800 reservation hotline."

• Tim Taylor : I notice you don't decorate *your* house at Christmas, though.

  Wilson : Well, actually, Tim, I decorate within - I have a tree in my heart, a wreath in my mind, and a star in my soul.

  Tim Taylor : And you plug it in your belly-button.

• Tim Taylor : Mark is startin' to ask us questions about Santa Claus.

  Wilson : Mmm-hm, mmm-hm.

  Tim Taylor : Well, should we tell him he doesn't exist?

  Wilson : Well, who says he doesn't exist, Tim? I believe it was Hamlet who put it best when he said, "There are more things in heaven and earth, good neighbor, than are dreamt of in your philosophy."

  Tim Taylor : But Brad and Randy already said he was dead.

  Wilson : Technically, that's true; he died in the year 342.

  Tim Taylor : Well, then, who's at the mall?

  Wilson : No, Tim; I'm talking about the original Santa Claus - Saint Nicholas, the bishop of Myra in Asia Minor. He used to go around to the houses of the poor people on his donkey with bags of gold, and drop them down the chimney.

  Tim Taylor : Why would he drop donkeys down the chimney?

  Wilson : I'm talking about the bags of gold, Tim.

  Tim Taylor : Well, hopefully, he can put a remote-controlled dinosaur down my chimney for Mark, because the stores are sold out of them.

  Wilson : Well, maybe Santa Claus might bring it to him.

  Tim Taylor : I thought you said Santa was dead.

  Wilson : Ah, but Tim, the spirit of Santa lives on... he lives in all of us.