- Barney: Ted, the only reason to wait a month for sex is if the girl is seventeen years, eleven months old.
- Robin Scherbatsky: You and me? That's insane. If you even thought about it for one second...
- Barney: But I have thought about it-for three seconds-and it makes a lot of sense. We both think the marriage/commitment thing's a drag. We both want something casual and fun. And we clearly get along really well.
- Robin Scherbatsky: Wow, that actually did make a lot of sense.
- Barney: Slut would have been better, but I'll settle for bro. Especially now that Ted's with Victoria and can't drink. Because he's pregnant. Cause he's the girl.
- Robin Scherbatsky: Oh, come on, Ted can't be pregnant. You need to have sex to get pregnant.
- Barney: What up! Freeze frame high five!
- Robin Scherbatsky: [after Barney discovers that Robin likes Ted] You're not gonna tell him, are you?
- Barney: No. That's the bro code. A bro doesn't tell a mutual bro that a third bro has a crush on him. Just like the third bro doesn't tell the mutual bro that the original bro went bare pickle in front of her. It's quid pro bro.
- Marshall Eriksen: [after Lily peed in front of him for the first time] And you know what, I actually feel closer to you now.
- [Begins mimicking Ted]
- Marshall Eriksen: I want to know you. Like, know your soul.
- Lily Aldrin: [Continuing] Marshall, what makes you cry?
- Marshall Eriksen: This moment is fleeting because it's being chased by another moment.
- Lily Aldrin: Oh, just grab my boob already.
- Marshall Eriksen: [Listening in on Ted and Victoria] God, close the deal, already. It's been, like, 45 minutes... we could have had sex three times by now.
- Lily Aldrin: Yeah, try five.
- Marshall Eriksen: What up!
- [They high five]
- Victoria: I think this may be a perfect moment. I wish we could hold onto it forever.
- Ted Mosby: No. Because the beauty of a moment is that it's fleeting. By its very nature, it... slips through our fingers... making it that much more precious.
- Lily Aldrin: [In the bathroom, Lily and Marshall are eavesdropping...] Ugh, that is bad. That is, like, high-school-literary-magazine bad.
- Marshall Eriksen: And they're not even high.
- Barney: [At the bar] Hundred dollars says when you turn around, I say "wow."
- Robin Scherbatsky: Barney, this is the third time you've hit on me by accident.
- Barney: It's one of the many risks of the blind approach. It's usually a two-man operation where Ted signals that the target is hot. But Ted's too busy being in a lesbian relationship.
- Marshall Eriksen: [When Ted and Victoria are in the apartment, think Lily and Marshall are away] All we have to do is hide out in here until Ted moves his mojo into the bedroom.
- Lily Aldrin: But I don't want to hide out in here.
- Marshall Eriksen: Honey, Ted has been going out of his mind waiting for this. If we go out there and spoil the mood, it's not going to happen. Then one of us is going to have to have sex with Ted, and... not going to be me.
- Robin Scherbatsky: You know, Barney, I had a surprisingly good time bro-ing out tonight.
- Barney: Well, you make a good bro. You're a better Ted than Ted. Hey, in fact, you have just earned yourself an invite to Marshall's bachelor party. And you don't even have to come out of the cake.
- Robin Scherbatsky: I hope you're ready for some hardcore battleship.
- Barney: Hardcore - that's the only way I play.
- Robin Scherbatsky: [Barney undresses in front of her] What the hell are you doing?
- Barney: I'm birthday-suiting-up!
- [Lily and Marshal are stuck in the bathroom and Lily has to pee]
- Marshall Eriksen: How much longer do you think you can hold it?
- Lily Aldrin: I drank a big gulp of Mountain Dew during that Quantum Leap marathon.
- Marshall Eriksen: Oh boy.
- Robin Scherbatsky: [Congratulating Marshall and Lily on their anniversary] Nine years? Your relationship is a fourth grader.
- Robin Scherbatsky: [Playing laser tag] I'll lay down some cover fire, you make a run for it.
- Barney: Leave no man behind. Either we all get out of here, or no-one does.
- Robin Scherbatsky: But I...
- Barney: Don't be a hero Scherbatsky.
- Robin Scherbatsky: See you on the other side.
- Marshall Eriksen: It's not fair to compare us to Ted and Victoria. This is their first time.
- Lily Aldrin: Yeah, but we could still have some more romance. Now, you just say, "Wanna do it?" And I say, "Yeah."
- Marshall Eriksen: Wanna do...
- Lily Aldrin: [Reprimanding] No!