- Lucy Ricardo: The men are intrigued by Sylvia because she's single. This makes her mysterious and exciting. We have to find Sylvia a husband... It's our only chance. Now, where can we find her a husband?
- Ethel Mertz: I'll make the sacrifice. She can have mine.
- Lucy Ricardo: [Lucy has just explained the entire situation, truthfully, to Ricky and Fred--but they're pretending they don't believe her] They want the truth, let's give it to 'em. Go ahead!
- Ethel Mertz: Oh...
- [thinking]
- Ethel Mertz: Well... uhhh...
- [looks at Lucy]
- Ethel Mertz: You start!
- Lucy Ricardo: Well, for a LONG time now, Ethel and I have been sick and tired of being married to a stale bongo player and a fat old fuddy-duddy!
- Ethel Mertz, Fred Mertz: A fat old fuddy-duddy?
- Ethel Mertz: A fat old fuddy-duddy.
- Lucy Ricardo: So when... when Eddie Grant came to town, we realized that... that here was a chance of a lifetime!
- Ethel Mertz: [Looks at Lucy quizzically] And then what happened?
- [Realizes she's supposed to be telling the story]
- Ethel Mertz: Uh... and then what happened will amaze you!
- Lucy Ricardo: The girls in the club have decided that we should find Sylvia a husband.
- Ricky Ricardo: Now, Lucy, lay off this guy, will you? Why is it that every married woman thinks it's her sacred duty to marry off every single guy?
- Lucy Ricardo: Oh, we do not.
- Ricky Ricardo: Well, see that you don't. After all, if this guy is fortunate enough to still be single, I don't see...
- Lucy Ricardo: What?
- Ricky Ricardo: I, uh, I didn't mean it that way. I mean, if he's *smart* enough to still be single...
- Lucy Ricardo: How's that?
- Ricky Ricardo: There must be some word that describes what I'm trying to say.
- Lucy Ricardo: The word is "stupid".
- Ricky Ricardo: All right, stupid. If the guy is stupid enough to still be single, leave him alone.
- Ricky Ricardo: [Lucy and Ethel arrange a date for traveling negligee salesman Eddie Grant, so he rewards them by leaving them in his hotel room to choose any negligees they want - wholesale. Ricky and Fred stop by, and catch Lucy trying on the garment] Lucy! You, here, dressed in that. You must be out of your mind!
- Ethel Mertz: [From the next room] Who is it, Lucy? Did Eddie come back?
- Fred Mertz: [Ethel enters, also negligee-clad] Ethel! You, here, dressed in that. *He* must be out of his mind!
- Ethel Mertz: [Ethel looks first at Fred, then Lucy, quizzically] Lucy, did they think that we...?
- [Lucy nods]
- Ethel Mertz: That *I*...?
- [Lucy nods again]
- Ethel Mertz: *WELL*!
- [smiles broadly]
- Lucy Ricardo: [Lucy and Ethel are at the hotel, trying to see Eddie; he's just slammed his door in their faces] Eddie? Eddie, I wanted to talk to you.
- Ethel Mertz: Eddie, let us in, Eddie!
- Lucy Ricardo: Eddie, open the door!
- Ethel Mertz: Come on now, let us in...
- Lucy Ricardo: Eddie!
- Ethel Mertz: Let us in, Eddie!
- Man in Hotel: Oh, girls! I'm down in 914. If Eddie won't let you in, I will!
- Lucy Ricardo: [Disgusted] Oh go away. Fresh!
- [Gestures to Ethel]
- Lucy Ricardo: How do you like that?
- Lucy Ricardo: [Ricky has just explained that he and Fred know all about the scheme to match Eddie up with Sylvia; he says he and Fred came up to teach Lucy and Ethel a lesson] Come on, Ethel, let's change.
- [Turns and goes back toward the men]
- Lucy Ricardo: Say, do you think maybe we've suffered enough so that you fellows might buy us these negligees--wholesale?
- Ricky Ricardo: How much are they?
- Lucy Ricardo: [Lucy and Ethel each look at their price tags] Hundred and thirty-nine fifty.
- Ethel Mertz: Ninety-eight fifty.
- Ricky Ricardo: [Ricky whispers something to Fred] Goodbye, Lucy.
- Fred Mertz: Goodbye, Ethel.
- Ethel Mertz: [the men start to leave] Where are you going?
- Lucy Ricardo: What do you mean, goodbye?
- Ricky Ricardo: Too much money. We decided to let you go to South America.
- [with Eddie, as in Lucy and Ethel's made-up story]