- Lucy Ricardo: [after seeing an Italian movie, Lucy wants to change her look] You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna get an Italian haircut.
- Ricky Ricardo: Oh, no you're not.
- Lucy Ricardo: Why not?
- Ricky Ricardo: Because I like your hair the way it is.
- Lucy Ricardo: Yeah, but it would look so good short. Please?
- Ricky Ricardo: Look, for my son's sake, No.
- Lucy Ricardo: What do you mean, for your son's sake?
- Ricky Ricardo: I'll 'splain.
- Lucy Ricardo: OK, 'splain.
- Ricky Ricardo: All people in the world are divided into two groups: men and women.
- Lucy Ricardo: I know, it's a wonderful arrangement.
- Ricky Ricardo: Now, men have short hair, and women have long hair. That's the difference between 'em.
- Lucy Ricardo: Oh?
- Ricky Ricardo: I don't want my son to be confused. He should know whether he should call you 'mother' or 'father'.
- Ethel Mertz: [Lucy is furious that Ricky flirted with her in a black Italian-cut wig, pretending not to know her] It's a terrible thing to say about anybody, but I guess Ricky's just a man.
- Lucy Ricardo: Yeah, well, I'll get even with him.
- Ethel Mertz: What are you gonna do?
- Lucy Ricardo: I'll leave him. No, that's probably what he wants.
- Ethel Mertz: Yeah, stay married to him. That'll teach him!
- Lucy Ricardo: [Lucy and Ethel, in disguises, arrive at Tony's restaurant to settle a score with Ricky and Fred] Oh, waiter. pardon me, please... We, uh, have an appointment with a couple of gentlemen. Have you seen them?
- Waiter: What do they look like?
- Lucy Ricardo: Well, uh, one is tall, dark and handsome and speaks with an accent, and the other is, um, uh, the other is, uh...
- Ethel Mertz: There's only one way to say it: short, fat and bald.
- Waiter: Oh, yeah, they were here.
- Lucy Ricardo: *Were* here?
- Waiter: [he points to his left] There were two young ladies sitting at that table. Beautiful! A blonde and a redhead. They got talking, then they all got up and, uh, left together.
- Lucy Ricardo: [starts to cry] Oh, Ethel.
- Ethel Mertz: [also crying] Oh, Lucy.
- Lucy Ricardo: It's all our fault. If we hadn't made a date to meet 'em here, they wouldn't have met those other girls... You know what? I wish I was dead.
- Ethel Mertz: You know what? I wish you was dead, too.