- Roy: "Shut up! I'm not interested! These are just some of the things you'll be hearing if you answer this ad. I'm an idiot and I don't care about anyone but myself. PS: No dogs."
- [to Moss]
- Roy: How does yours sound?
- Moss: Well, mine doesn't sound any good now.
- Roy: Lets hear it.
- Moss: [hesitates] "I'm going to murder you, you bloody woman!"
- Roy: [thinks] You might want to play a bit hard to get.
- Moss' Mum: [Moss is in toilet] Moss, what are you doing?
- Moss: Number twos, leave me alone! Stop doing this, you're always doing this, you're making it go back in!
- Jen: Moss, Moss, there's a spider in my office. Could you deal with it? I just hate spiders.
- Moss: Hahaha! Oh, ah. Yeah. I'm not overly fond of them myself there, Jen. Um, how... how... How big is...? Whoa! Hey, now. I tell you what, I'd actually recommend my good friend Roy there as the go-to guy on anything with more than seven eyes. Um... He's on a very brief personal call right now...
- Jen: Come on, Moss. Don't be silly.
- Moss: You're right, I'm being silly. WRAP IT UP, ROY! No, it's just a spider. It's fine. It's just a spider. Oh, look, it seems to have left of its own volition.
- Jen: Oh, be a man, Moss.
- Moss: You're right. I'll be a man. I'm a man... Please don't shut the door.
- Jen: I won't.
- Moss: Goodbye, Jen.
- Messy Joe's Guitarist: [singing] Everybody's having having fun fun fun! 'Cos everything is nice! And everyone is friendly! Lot's of friendly faces having fun fun fun' 'Cos everything is nice! And everyone is friendly! Smiiiiile and the world will...
- Jen: Excuse me, 'scuse me! It's just, it's not... Sorry, it's just not appropriate at the moment.
- [singers leave dejected, long pause]
- Messy Joe's Guitarist: [singing] Everybody's having having fun fun fun!