Jack Benny: Jack Benny

Quotes 

• Jack Benny : [Discussion of the possibility of Jack playing the part of a dog]  Now, what kind of a dog would I be? A Saint Bernard, a Chihuahua, a Pekingese?

  Don Wilson : What difference does it make what kind of dog, Jack?

  Jack Benny : Well, I doubt that I could be an Irish Setter!

  Dennis Day : I could teach you to bark with a brogue. Arf, begorrah!

• Jack Benny : [Telephones Dennis for the second time]  Dennis, this is Jack again.

  Dennis Day : Oh, hello, Mr. Benny! Say, here's a funny thing. I just had a dream that you were kidnapped and needed ten thousand dollars. I gotta go back to sleep and see how it turns out!

  [Hangs up on Jack] 

• Jack Benny : George,

  [Winks several times, trying to let George know he needs help] 

  George Burns : Jack, if you want to keep getting away with that 39 year bit, you'd better get rid of that nervous twitch!

• Bank Teller : [Jack enters bank and sees the counters filled with fruits and vegetables]  Oh, hello, Mr. Benny, may I help you?

  Jack Benny : Eh, what's all this with the apples, oranges, pineapples and everything?

  Bank Teller : Well, you see, Mr. Benny, when you drew out ten thousand dollars, it caused a run on the bank, so we had to go into a new business!

• Jack Benny : [after finding out the bank is now a fruits and vegetables store]  Well, alright, I'll take, uh, that grapefruit looks good, give me about three of those.

  Bank Teller : Oh, it's lovely!

  Jack Benny : Grapefruit, uh, oh, and these tomatoes are nice and big, give me two of those. Uh, what else do I want? Oh, maybe a bunch of these grapes.

  Bank Teller : Oh, yes, they're beautiful!

  Jack Benny : Uh, alright, that'll be it. No, wait a minute, I don't like these kind, uh, take out the grapes!

  Bank Teller : Take out?

  Banker - Mr. Harris : Take out?

  Banker : Take out? Out?