Just Shoot Me! (TV Series)

Elliott the Geek (1998)

Laura San Giacomo: Maya Gallo

Quotes 

• Elliot : I can't decide which one to take to the Hamptons. Leone has perfect legs, but Trisha has perfect breasts.

  Maya : What a coincidence. You're a perfect ass.

• Dennis : Good morning. Hmm, tension in the air. Let me guess: Mr. Love Machine here was going yappity-wappity about getting it on with the ladies. And Mother Superior was all, "What a pig!" And you were all, "But me likie them women." And you were all, "Boo-hoo-hoo! What about our brains?"

  Maya : Finch, do you want to get smacked?

  Dennis : Kinda. I'm not proud of it.

• [Elliot has a zit on his nose] 

  Maya : Whoa, Krakatoa!

  Elliot : It's just a little blemish.

  Jack : It's like an escape hatch for your brain.

  Nina : [just coming in]  So sorry about your pimple, Elliot.

  Elliot : How did you know?

  Nina : I saw it as you got out of the cab. I mean, we're only nineteen floors up.

• Maya : Who was Mr. Farrel?

  Elliot : He was my high school coach. We used to call him Farrel the Ferret.

  Maya : Why did you call him that?

  Elliot : You know, because he was a big man.

  Maya : Why didn't you call him Farrel the Barrel?

  Elliot : People weren't that clever in my town. When the train went by, everyone would clap.

• Jack : Maya, what's more important to a bird? That it has wings or that it has the confidence to fly?

  Maya : Uh... Wings?

  Jack : Wrong. Witness the penguin, a flightless bird. Do you know why penguins can't fly?

  Maya : Because its wings can't support its body mass?

  Jack : Maya, there was a time when penguins filled the sky, until the day their confidence was shattered, and they never flew again.

  Maya : Ah, I see.

  [takes away scotch bottle] 

  Maya : No more for you.

• Dennis : [reading from Elliot's yearbook]  Captain of the chess club. Ha ha ha!

  Maya : I'm surprised you weren't in the marching band.

  Dennis : Whoa, whoa, whoa! Were you ever invited to play the Gator Bowl? I didn't think so.

• Maya : Don't worry about it. I mean, everyone's yearbook photo is a little embarra... Oh, my God! You were a little fatty.

• Maya : So, the truth finally comes out. The legendary Elliot DiMauro was once a nerd.

  Elliot : No, I wasn't.

  Maya : Nerd!

  Elliot : Ha, that's very funny.

  Maya : Nerd!

  Elliot : That's not funny.

  Maya : Nerd!

  Elliot : Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah? Would a nerd bring a supermodel to a funeral in a stretch limo with four-hundred roses shaped in a giant tear?

  Maya : No, but the nerd king might.