- Jack Gallo: Come on, have a little faith in the girl. Nina could play that part.
- Nina Van Horn: Well, thank you, Jack.
- Jack Gallo: I totally buy you as a homewrecker.
- Nina Van Horn: Homemaker.
- Jack Gallo: Oh, you're no good for that.
- Matt Bentley: You know, Maya, you could learn a lot from her. This is a woman who gets high on a drug called America.
- Nina Van Horn: Well, I do like my reds, whites and blues.
- Maya Gallo: [drinks from a coffee mug] Oh, my God! This is whisky!
- Nina Van Horn: [holds a similar mug] Oh, my God! This is coffee!
- Dennis Finch: My mom said if I didn't finish college, I would wind up in a dead-end job. Dead-end job. Pfft! Jack said I could be his assistant *forever*!
- Jack Gallo: Is that all you do all day? Make wise-ass comments?
- Dennis Finch: No. I answer the phone funny.
- Nina Van Horn: Who wants to try a bowl of delicious home-made my stuffin'?
- Jack Gallo: Nina, there's nothing in that bowl.
- Dennis Finch: And by bowl he means your head.
- Nina Van Horn: I have an hour until my audition, so I want to stay in character. Listen to this. "Simple Times Stuffin', the easy way to spice up your next lynchin'."
- Jack Gallo: [reads Nina's script] The word is "luncheon."
- Nina Van Horn: Oh, good. That makes my character that more likeable.
- Maya Gallo: I don't want him to think I'm a crazy freak in bed!
- Dennis Finch: Then sleep with him. That'll teach him a lesson.
- Jack Gallo: Do you know what he said was the secret of his success? He said he didn't have an office.
- Dennis Finch: It's what shot me to the top.
- Nina Van Horn: Guess what? I just got a call from my old acting agent.
- Dennis Finch: Let me guess? They want you for "When Plastic Surgeons Attack."
- Nina Van Horn: Hello there, Finch. Don't get up.
- Jack Gallo: [about "The Six Million Dollar Man"] I stopped watching when they gave bionics to the dog. You spend six million bucks on an animal, it should talk.
- Elliot DiMauro: This is my sixth grade picture. Guess which one's me?
- Dennis Finch: My God, did you ever have hair?
- [Nina has to cook]
- Nina Van Horn: No problem. You can do this.
- [lays ingredients on counter]
- Nina Van Horn: Well, I'm stumped.
- Nina Van Horn: All right, Bently, here's the deal. I don't cook; I'm not Southern; I've never voted; I drink like a sailor, often in the company of sailors; and I was peripherally involved in the abduction of Patty Hearst.
- Matt Bentley: I don't know what to say. You've never voted once?