- Dennis: Hey, Princess, the *Times* is doing a story on your dad's award and they wanna call you for a quote.
- Maya: Okay, how about this, from my introduction: "Every once in a while a man looks at the world, steps forward, and says, 'Hey, who wants my crumbs?'"
- Dennis: That's not bad. How about, "It's touching to see what Jack means to all of you, because you certainly don't mean jack to him."
- Dennis: You've been around the artsy and aloof for so long you've forgotten how to relate to Jimmy Crack-corn over there from Lunchmeat, Kansas.
- Jack: [On phone] Jack Gallo for Donald Trump. I don't care if he is in a meeting. Tell him it's important. Hey, Donald. I'm humanitarian of the year, so you can kiss my ass!
- Robert: Uh, Maya, don't think that you've been forgotten. We'd like you to introduce your father at the banquet.
- Maya: Oh gosh; couldn't we just release some doves?
- Robert: Just a few words about Jack's passionate concern for the children.
- Maya: "Passionate concern"?
- [cut to Jack posing across the room]
- Jack: Hey, this one's for Trump!
- [Jack bends over and displays his ass for the camera]
- Maya: Nina, the foundation needs books, not your old clothes.
- Nina Van Horn: Well, I was looking around for my old books, and then it struck me me... I don't have any.
- Maya: You don't own any books?
- Nina Van Horn: Just a hollowed out almanac from my trip to Colombia.
- Nina Van Horn: Men are big, fat liars, so take it from me; if a man claims to be a prince, be sure his country is on a map.
- Maya: Here's Cinderella. You can read it to the kids.
- Nina Van Horn: I don't like kids.
- Maya: Pretend they're puppies.
- Nina Van Horn: Again, not helping.
- Nina Van Horn: Don't look at me. I already contributed to the community.
- Maya: That was court ordered.