- Nina Van Horn: Jack, I love this country as much as anyone. We have the best nightclubs in the world, and our drug laws are very liberal towards white people. But you can't put up that big flag over the building.
- Jack Gallo: The flag is going nowhere.
- Nina Van Horn: I don't care what Maya says, it's making the building look obese. People are talking.
- Nina Van Horn: Jack, the room is blue.
- Jack Gallo: I know that, Nina.
- Nina Van Horn: Someone has stolen all the red, orange, green, indigo and violet light out of the room.
- Noonie: Dennis, you're so funny. Now do Edward G. Robinson.
- Dennis Finch: [imitating Edward G. Robinson] Yeah, see? I'm Edward G. Robinson, see? Now here's the deal!
- Noonie: Now do Arthur Gottfried.
- Dennis Finch: [same voice] I'm Arthur Gottfried, see? Now here's the deal!
- Dennis Finch: We're watching "Jeopardy", followed by a "Friends" rerun.
- Noonie: Followed by an all new "Friends."
- Dennis Finch: Followed by another "Friends" reruns.
- Noonie: I love that show. The Jewish boy has a monkey.
- Dennis Finch: What am I going to do?
- Kevin Liotta: You could tell Elliot she was already dead.
- Dennis Finch: I can't do that. He'll be furious. Bald people hit really hard. They're mad at the world.
- Nina Van Horn: Does it have to be an American flag? Couldn't it be a nice Italian flag? Three simple stripes. Very slimming.
- Maya Gallo: The building doesn't need slimming.
- Nina Van Horn: What are you talking about?
- Maya Gallo: What are *you* talking about?
- Nina Van Horn: All right, you've convinced me.
- Jack Gallo: Dennis, what's that movie I like?
- Dennis Finch: Private Benjamin.
- Jack Gallo: Ha ha! Funny movie. Go buy me a sweater vest.
- Elliot DiMauro: We don't value our elders as much as other cultures do. Old people are meant to be cherished.
- Maya Gallo: How are the new dentures?
- Elliot DiMauro: Very good. Her chewing is not as disgusting now.
- Jack Gallo: I'll stop smoking. I'll chew tobacco. Give the lungs a break, let the gums earn their keep.
- Elliot DiMauro: Now you're talling people that she's your grandma?
- Dennis Finch: It's easier than having to explain the whole situation.
- Elliot DiMauro: You stole my grandma!
- Dennis Finch: Don't worry, I don't know where it's going.