- Dennis Finch: Elliot, come here, there's something I want you to hear.
- Elliot DiMauro: Yeah?
- Dennis Finch: [sing-song] Someone had sex with A-my / Lots of sex with A-my / Dirty, crazy, monkey, funky, all night sex with A-my!
- Jack Gallo: Kevin, I have decided to make you our mailroom supervisor. You'll get a bigger mail cart, your own office, and best of all, more money. So, what do you say?
- Kevin Liotta: Nah.
- Jack Gallo: What did you say?
- Kevin Liotta: I said, "Nah."
- Nina Van Horn: Turning down a raise. Why doesn't he just drop trou and winky-tink on the American Constitution?
- Maya Gallo: They're acting like a couple of twelve-year-olds.
- Nina Van Horn: Please, Maya. Where I come from, twelve-year-olds don't go around chasing women. They're too busy tending the farm and raising their children.
- Amy Watson: You really know how to challenge a French chef.
- Dennis Finch: Hey, when I wants a PB&J, I has to have me a PB&J.
- Jack Gallo: No one says "Nah" to Jack Gallo.
- Nina Van Horn: Are you going to fire him?
- Jack Gallo: No. I'm going to promote the hell out of him.
- Kevin Liotta: Do rich people get to lick the bottom of the bowl?
- Jack Gallo: That's the thing about being rich. There is no bottom of the bowl.
- Kevin Liotta: Is the bowl magic?
- Nina Van Horn: We finally did it! We got our revenge on Kevin!
- Jack Gallo: Nina, we were trying to help him.
- Nina Van Horn: Oh... Whoops!
- Nina Van Horn: I had a belt like that. I got it off Liza Minnelli while she was "taking a nap" on a bathroom floor. God, I love the Oscars.
- Nina Van Horn: Are you saying that you don't want more money? Because I find that very offensive.
- Kevin Liotta: I don't need more money.
- Nina Van Horn: Then spit on my face, why don't you?
- Maya Gallo: The devil's writing a book, the monster's getting a promotion... Is my life going nowhere?
- Nina Van Horn: No, it's not.
- Jack Gallo: Kevin, you have to give all this stuff back. You can't afford it.
- Kevin Liotta: But you said I would get more promotions and more money.
- Jack Gallo: I said maybe, in time.
- Kevin Liotta: No, more promotions, more money! More promotions, more money!
- Jack Gallo: No.
- Kevin Liotta: I can't afford this pricey, risotto lifestyle, and now regular rice tastes like crap to me! My life is ruined!