Justice League (TV Series)

Eclipsed (2003)

Michael Rosenbaum: The Flash, Wally West

Quotes 

• [after an obnoxious talk-show host insults Wonder Woman] 

  Wonder Woman : [demanding]  And what's wrong with the way I dress?

  The Flash : [to Green Lantern]  Uh... you wanna take that?

• The Flash : Your commercial's stupid, you're a no-talent hack and your doughnuts are stale! I'm outta here, fast, fast, fast!

  [he whooshes away, and the blast of wind knocks the director into the set, knocking it over] 

  Artie Bauman : Well, it looks like that's a wrap.

  Snooty British Director : [climbing out]  You owe us, bunkie. Full reimbursement plus studio costs. Expect to hear from our lawyers.

  Artie Bauman : I can't afford another lawsuit. Unless...

  [taking out his cell phone] 

  Artie Bauman : Connect me to Godfrey Studios. Reverse the charges.

• Green Lantern : He torched the sewers.

  The Flash : [grinning]  I was wondering what that smell was.

• [the Flash makes a surprise appearance on Gordon Godfrey's TV show] 

  Glorious Gordon Godfrey : Ladies and gentlemen, it seems we have an unexpected guest. Not that we should be surprised. I mean, you're a superhero. You don't have to wait for an invitation. You go where you want, when you want. Right?

  The Flash : Yeah, but... we're the good guys!

  Glorious Gordon Godfrey : Of course you are! And I'm sure you can account for the fact that since your so-called 'Justice League' formed, white-collar crime is up three percent!

  The Flash : White-collar? That's not really our...

  Glorious Gordon Godfrey : Or maybe you'd care to explain why, on your watch, 50 percent of marriages now end in divorce... and the other 50 percent in death!

• Wonder Woman : [Wonder Woman punches the monitor after listening to G. Gordon Godfrey insult her and her outfit]  I will not tolerate this!

  Green Lantern : Princess, I don't like Godfrey any more than you do, but in this country, the man's entitled to his opinion, however boneheaded it is.

  The Flash : Democracy in action. Hey, didn't the Greeks invent that?

  [Diana gives Flash a flat look] 

• Artie Bauman : Listen, bunkie, you know you're my number-one guy. Talk to me. Artie Bauman is completely here for you. You say the word, we walk.

  The Flash : Great. Let's go.

  Artie Bauman : You can't. We already got paid, and I spent my 60%.

  The Flash : Forget it. No one's asking the other guys to do this sort of thing.

  Artie Bauman : That's 'cause they don't have what you have.

  The Flash : What, my speed? My charm?

  Artie Bauman : They don't have me as their agent. So tell 'em to call me, especially that big gal with the rope. Now let's make some magic.

  Snooty British Director : Rolling, people, this is a take. And if it's not too inconvenient, this time with talent.

• The Flash : Come on, Artie, help me out. Where did Godfrey get that footage?

  Artie Bauman : How should I know? A garage sale?

  The Flash : But it makes me look like a total jerk.

  Artie Bauman : Don't sweat it, kid. There's no such thing as bad publicity.

  [turning to Diana] 

  Artie Bauman : And speaking of publicity, I can set you up for the swimsuit issue, cover guaranteed.

  Wonder Woman : [grabbing him]  You slimy little weasel. Do you think I can be bought and sold?

  Artie Bauman : A tough negotiator. I like that!

  Green Lantern : [hearing an explosion outside]  It's the power plant.

  Wonder Woman : This negotiation is over, Mr. Bauman.

  Artie Bauman : If you change your mind, babe, I'm in the book!

• Glorious Gordon Godfrey : It's time we told these supercilious sideshow swindlers what we think of them. You're no superheroes! You're...

  [his crowd chants "super-zeroes!"] 

  The Flash : [Lantern glares at him]  It's not my fault.

  Green Lantern : Of course not. You just handed that jerk a weapon. You didn't tell him to fire it.

  The Flash : Aw, he's full of hot air. Guys like that back down the second you stand up to 'em. I'll prove it.

  Green Lantern : [he whooshes away]  Hold on.

  The Flash : [appearing on the TV]  Hey, Glorious.

  Green Lantern : Oh, no.

• The Flash : Hey, Princess, fire's out. Need a hand in here?

  Wonder Woman : No. He's finished.

  The Flash : [she tosses General McCormick to the ground]  Whoa!

  [running over to catch him] 

  The Flash : That was a little harsh. Are you feeling all right?

  Wonder Woman : I'm fine. But there's still so much to do.

• The Flash : I'm here because all that stuff you said about the League being in this for money isn't right.

  Glorious Gordon Godfrey : So you're saying that, unlike the rest of us who work hard to provide for our loved ones, you do what you do for less selfish reasons?

  The Flash : Exactly. It's like Green Lantern explained to me earlier...

  Green Lantern : [watching on TV]  Don't. Don't say it.

  The Flash : ...we're above all that.

  Glorious Gordon Godfrey : You heard it, folks! Straight from the source. The Just-Us League says "we're better than you!"

  The Flash : Yeah! Wait, no!

• The Flash : Being a superhero, I'm always on the run, and I can't afford to slow down for anything, not even gastrointestinal distress. So when I need fast, fast, fast relief from the cramping, burning, itching... oh, I can't say this!

  Snooty British Director : What's the problem?

  The Flash : Cramping, burning, itching? What pinhead wrote this garbage?

  Snooty British Director : Your sponsors.

  The Flash : They can kiss my boots. I'm not saying it!

• The Flash : Hey, we should take a road trip!

  Green Lantern : What?

  The Flash : Think about it - two hard-travelling heroes cruising the countryside looking for America.

  Green Lantern : Uh, yeah, I'll let you know when my schedule frees up.

• The Flash : Where do these nuts come from?

• Glorious Gordon Godfrey : [turning off a commercial in which the Flash appeared]  See? This is what these self-appointed guardians of humanity are really about. Cashing in on their image, shilling for whoever's got the deepest pockets. It's not enough that they turn our kids into bullies and delinquents with their arrogant "might makes right" policy. Once again, the Glorious One tells it like it is. Am I right, folks, or am I right?

  [his audience chants "darn straight!"] 

  Green Lantern : [turning a TV off]  How dare you open up the League to this kind of criticism?

  The Flash : Hey, I wasn't that bad.

  Green Lantern : Listen, we're a team. How people see you affects all of us.

  The Flash : Then a single guy like you should be thanking me, because I've been finding out the ladies love a celebrity. Are you done with those?

  [he eats Lantern's French fries, then burps] 

  Green Lantern : What do you need that much money for, anyway?

  The Flash : [leading him to a van outside]  Tell me you're not jealous.

  Green Lantern : Tell *me* you're not serious.

• The Flash : The Flashmobile's not just a van, it's an expression of my inner self.

  [pressing a button on a remote control, the van starts rocking] 

  The Flash : Uh, that's not right.

  [as he tries to turn it off, Lantern takes the control and does it for him] 

  Green Lantern : Yeah, well, hotshot, next time you feel the need to express your inner self, repress.