- Doug Heffernan: Why would I lick a trash can?
- Carrie Heffernan: I don't know. Didn't you once tell me you ate the feed they have at petting zoos?
- Doug Heffernan: My sister told me if I did, I could grow a moustache.
- Arthur Spooner: Douglas, would you please pass me the catsup?
- Doug Heffernan: The what?
- Arthur Spooner: The catsup.
- Doug Heffernan: Did you mean the ketchup?
- Arthur Spooner: Highly educated people pronounce it catsup.
- Doug Heffernan: Not if they want me to pass it to them.