- Hank: From now on, the only woman I'm pimpin' is Sweet Lady Propane. And I'm trickin' her out all over this town.
- [Hank's pretending to be a pimp]
- Hank: I am the mack daddy of Heimlich County, I play it straight up, yo. You get the hell out of my 'hood. She's my ho now.
- Oklahoma City Pimp Alabaster Jones: Okay, whatever.
- [Pointing to Peggy]
- Oklahoma City Pimp Alabaster Jones: What you want for the jasper brunette?
- Hank: That is my wife!
- Oklahoma City Pimp Alabaster Jones: Man, that's the biggest mistake a pimp could make; marryin' one of his hos.
- Hank: You stay here.
- Tammy Duvall: Hank, dont! Alibaster's a little guy, but he'll mess you up.
- Hank: No offense, but he's from Oklahoma.
- Cotton Hill: Them is the keys to my Cadillac car. Remember, under no circumstances is the wife allowed in my Cadillac car, unless she's in a bag in the trunk.
- Dale Gribble: Yeah, bet it seemed like the sweet life at first. Trick out a couple of ladies, make some spare scratch. But you never see the dark side until those silk sheets form a noose around your neck.