- Lt. Theo Kojak: What are you doing?
- Det. Stavros: T.L.C., eh, Tender Loving Care for my new plant.
- Lt. Theo Kojak: Oh. Well, could you put a little TLC into a list of every burglary in eh, in the last two years?
- Lt. Theo Kojak: [chuckles] You're trying to convince me that the story you're telling is not a beautifully engraved $3 bill.
- Kenny Soames: Hey, what's that squeaking, Wendell, you or the gate?
- Wendell: [laughing] It's the gate, you bum. I keep myself better oiled!