- [first lines]
- Billy: I used to come out here with an old Volvo headlamp, put it to me ear and listen to the universe.
- Clegg: In Swedish?
- Billy: Feel at one with nature.
- Clegg: You feel at one with the ground being hard.
- Truly: There's a hallowed police technique for calming unruly prisoners that used to make you feel quite close to nature.
- Clegg: You never mentioned it at flower arranging.
- Billy: And what did the universe used to say, tha must be wondering.
- Truly: It used to say, "Who's that idiot with the Volvo headlamp?"
- Clegg: "Oh, it's only Billy Hardcastle," it used to say, "earwigging again."
- Billy: It used to say nowt, actually. Makes you wonder whether there's owt there.
- Clegg: The question man has been asking since his time began: is there anything beyond the reach of a Volvo headlamp.
- [last lines]
- 1st Policeman: You saw that?
- 2nd Policeman: The headless Land Rover.
- 1st Policeman: What do you think?
- 2nd Policeman: I think he was driving nice and steadily, actually.
- 1st Policeman: Right. Well within the limit.
- 2nd Policeman: On his own side of the road.
- 1st Policeman: Yes. No reason really for us to interfere.
- 2nd Policeman: It wouldn't be right.
- 1st Policeman: There ought to be more like him.