Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (TV Series)
Pure (2005)
Martin Short: Sebastian Ballentine, Henry Palaver
Quotes
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Sebastian Ballentine : Look, I have worked with many other police departments on missing persons cases. My name is Sebastian Ballentine.
Detective Elliot Stabler : The Sebastian Ballentine?
Sebastian Ballentine : Oh, you've heard of me.
Detective Elliot Stabler : No.
[turns away to take a phone call]
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Sebastian Ballentine : I know what you're thinking.
Detective Elliot Stabler : [skeptical] Of course you do. You're psychic.
Sebastian Ballentine : You think I'm mentally ill.
Capt. Donald Cragen : He's good.
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Detective Elliot Stabler : [to Ballentine] What is it about this virgin compulsion? Afraid you're not gonna measure up to other men?
Sebastian Ballentine : No, no, no. I'm more than adequate in bed. The expression on a girl's face her first time is incomparable.
Detective Elliot Stabler : These girls weren't having sex. They were being raped.
Sebastian Ballentine : Their faces were palettes. Shock, confusion, panic, fear and always just a soupçon of pain.
Detective Elliot Stabler : Why'd you come here? You know, if you hadn't, you might've gotten away with it.
Sebastian Ballentine : Well, I had to see what I had set into motion. Your expressions were priceless. This place was like a beehive that I poked with a stick and also I just I like to help.
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Sebastian Ballentine : [to Sister Peg] And you're a madam?
Sister Peg : No, I'm a nun. What are you?
Sebastian Ballentine : I'm a psychic.
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Detective Elliot Stabler : [to Ballentine] You're still here.
Sebastian Ballentine : Of course. I feel like a bad piece of furniture. No matter where they move me, I seem to be in the way.
Detective Elliot Stabler : You're saying you've been here all night?
Sebastian Ballentine : You asked me to wait for you, didn't you?
Detective Elliot Stabler : You never left this building.
Sebastian Ballentine : Does astral projection count?
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Detective Elliot Stabler : [When Ballentine returns to the SVU squad room] Now, what part of "stay out of this" don't you understand?
Sebastian Ballentine : Look, I just I feel that this is where I'm meant to be.
Detective Elliot Stabler : Then you are the world's worst psychic.
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Capt. Donald Cragen : You're free to go, Mr. Ballentine.
Sebastian Ballentine : Are you sure? Don't really feel like I've convinced Detective Stabler yet. I hate to leave him with unresolved angst.
Capt. Donald Cragen : Your wife and baby are waiting.
Sebastian Ballentine : No, they aren't.
Capt. Donald Cragen : Well, you finally missed one, Kreskin.
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Sebastian Ballentine : [last lines; to Stabler] Well, this was fun. Best sex I ever had.
Detective Elliot Stabler : You know they're looking to extradite your sorry ass back to Canada, but I'm gonna make damn sure you stay right here.
Sebastian Ballentine : I believe you really mean that. I kinda grew on you, didn't I?
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Detective Elliot Stabler : [to Ballentine after he comes over to the Sellers house to do a psychic reading] What's your angle, you little vulture?
Sebastian Ballentine : I was just trying to help.
Detective Elliot Stabler : That woman is out of her mind with worry. She doesn't need your help.
Sebastian Ballentine : I keep seeing a serial port and a computer cord. Does that mean anything to you?
Detective Elliot Stabler : Maybe he met her over the Internet.
Sebastian Ballentine : Yes, I'm seeing that.
Detective Elliot Stabler : No, you're not. Computer Crimes went over Kaley's computer. There are no suspicious e-mails. She never visited a chat room, you pathetic fraud.