- Theodore 'Beaver' Cleaver: [in front of the bedroom mirror] What are you doin', Wally?
- Wallace 'Wally' Cleaver: I'm puttin' talcum powder on my beard, so it'll hide it.
- Theodore 'Beaver' Cleaver: But you don't got a beard.
- Wallace 'Wally' Cleaver: Yeah, but if I put enough talcum powder on it, nobody will know that.
- Mrs. Thompson: Oh, my dear, do you think you could persuade your charming husband to play the piano for us on family night?
- June Cleaver: Well, Mrs. Thompson, Mr. Cleaver doesn't play the piano.
- Mrs. Thompson: Oh. That's right. You have the husband who can't do anything.
- June Cleaver: Well, Beaver, I just hope you realize that wherever you go or whatever you do, there's always somebody watching you.
- Theodore 'Beaver' Cleaver: Sure, Mom. You watch me and Dad watches me, when I'm at school the teacher watches me and when I go to the movies, the ushers watch me.
- June Cleaver: No, Beaver. I mean somebody else.
- Theodore 'Beaver' Cleaver: Gee, Mom, do you mean like God?
- June Cleaver: Mmm-hmm. And Beaver, if you do something bad, you're gonna hurt Him.
- Theodore 'Beaver' Cleaver: I wouldn't want to do anything to hurt God. He's got enough trouble with the Russians and all.
- Wallace 'Wally' Cleaver: Mom, how come Dad's got Beaver in the den with the doors locked? What's he trying to shake out of him?
- June Cleaver: Wally, I'm sure when your father wants you to know what he's talking to the Beaver about, he'll let you know.
- Wallace 'Wally' Cleaver: Hey, that's a pretty good civilized way of telling me to dry up, huh?
- June Cleaver: Yes, isn't it?