- Theodore 'Beaver' Cleaver: Girls have got it lucky, don't they, Mom?
- June Cleaver: Why do you say that?
- Theodore 'Beaver' Cleaver: Well, they don't have to be smart. They don't have to get jobs or anything. Alls they gotta do is get married.
- Penny Woods: It was easy. I took the whole test with just half my brain.
- Hubert 'Whitey' Whitney: [snidely] I hope it wasn't the dumb half.
- Theodore 'Beaver' Cleaver: Gee, Mom, it's hard to think of a man walkin' around and he'd be me.
- June Cleaver: You know something, Beaver? One of these days you're going to be all grown up and you're gonna have a wife and a family all your own.
- Theodore 'Beaver' Cleaver: I will?
- June Cleaver: 'Course you will.
- Theodore 'Beaver' Cleaver: Boy, it sure is creepy the way it works, isn't it, Mom?
- Mrs. Cornelia Rayburn: We're gonna have what is called an intelligence test. Does anyone know what that is?
- [Penny raises her hand]
- Mrs. Cornelia Rayburn: Penny.
- Penny Woods: I do. It's a test to see how smart you are.
- Mrs. Cornelia Rayburn: [Whitey raises his hand] Oh, Mr. Whitney.
- Hubert 'Whitey' Whitney: Or how dumb you are.
- June Cleaver: Wally isn't home yet.
- Theodore 'Beaver' Cleaver: Oh. I got somethin' I want to show him.
- [Beaver takes a frog out of his pocket]
- The Frog: Ribbet.
- June Cleaver: Beaver! Beaver, that's a frog! Come on, get that off my bread board!
- Theodore 'Beaver' Cleaver: I got it from Whitey Whitney. He thought it was dead and he was only gonna charge me two sticks of gum. But while we were talking it over, it started wigglin', so he raised it to four. Where's Wally? I want to show it to him. He likes frogs and stuff.
- Wally Cleaver: Well, gee, Mom. You sure are lucky.
- June Cleaver: Well, why do you say that, Wally?
- Wally Cleaver: On account that they hadn't invented intelligence when you went to high school.