- Lt. Hung Lee Park: You have already taken enough of my time, Captain. Can you not see that this woman's life is more important to you than it is to her?-I will go now.
- Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt: You don't wanna be late for your killing.
- Lt. Hung Lee Park: You have done your job. Now, I will do mine.
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce: [angrily] You son of a bitch!
- Lt. Hung Lee Park: You're a doctor. Your concern for an individual life is admirable but impractical. War, gentlemen is like chess. Loss of a single pawn is insignificant. All that matters is winning the game.
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce: Yeah, but in chess, you just capture a pawn. You don't take it into a room and beat a confession out of it.
- Maj. Charles Winchester: One does not snort cognac, Klinger. One entices cognac. First, one warms it. Then one lures the scent to the waiting nostrils. One urges it to insinuate its fumes through the joyous olfactory passages.
- Cpl. Maxwell Q. Klinger: I get the feeling we're not talkin' boilermakers here.
- Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan: I let myself be distracted for only a moment and the next thing I knew - there she was on the floor.
- Col. Sherman T. Potter: The only question is why the hell was she out of bed anyway?
- Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan: Probably delirious looking for help.
- Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt: It's more likely she was trying to leave before she had to talk to Lieutenant "Truth or Consequences."
- Maj. Charles Winchester: Klinger, when one receives a new divan, one does not invite the delivery boy to repose upon it.
- Col. Sherman T. Potter: Well it's a matter of courtesy to the Korean military.
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce: Courtesy? Oh, pardonnez-moi. How could we be so rude to somebody nice enough to invite us to their war?
- Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt: Emily Post will never forgive us. Shoot from the left. Stab from the right.
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce: How to ravage a countryside with taste and style.
- Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt: Always stand when a grenade enters the room.
- Cpl. Maxwell Q. Klinger: Where'd you get the eyeshades?
- Maj. Charles Winchester: Firing squad surplus. Perhaps you'd like to borrow them when I have you shot.