- Major Margaret Houlihan: [noticing Trapper is using Frank Burns' duffel bag as a punching bag] Just a minute, isn't that Frank's bag?
- Trapper: I thought you were Frank's bag!
- Trapper: If you won't help us, we'll tell everyone your brother's in prison!
- Henry Blake: My brother is the warden!
- Hawkeye: We won't say that part!
- Father Francis Mulcahy: I trained a number of boys to box back home.
- Hawkeye: Any advice for Trapper?
- Father Francis Mulcahy: Prayer. I don't think he's got one.
- Trapper: [Hawkeye is trying to talk Trapper into entering a boxing match. Trap's resisting] I fought in school. As a matter of fact, I was very good.
- Hawkeye: There, I knew it!
- Trapper: But I'm not in shape!
- Hawkeye: Who says you're not in shape? You've got a cute body. I've seen guys sneaking peeks at you at calisthenics.
- Trapper: Which guys are sneaking peeks at me?
- Hawkeye: I'd rather not say. Some of them are married.
- Nurse Margie Cutler: Major Houlihan thinks i'm a bit of a distraction.
- Trapper: What a rotten thing to say!
- Hawkeye: Yeah, you're an incredible distraction!