- [staying in a castle]
- Al Bundy: Can you feel the history in the room, Peg?
- Peggy Bundy: I know. You know, Igor told me that Bud's room is supposed to be haunted. I didn't tell him, though. You know how jumpy he gets.
- Al Bundy: Well, good. Because what he doesn't know won't hurt him.
- [Cut to Bud's room, where ghostly mists swirl around Bud's bed, and ghastly screams echo. Bud, cowering under the covers, peeks up to see the ghosts of his ancestors]
- Hanged Bundy Ancestor: Good evening, Bud. We are the ghosts of your ancestors.
- Impaled Bundy Ancestor: Beware!
- Headless Bundy Ancestor: You will die in the morning!
- Disemboweled Bundy Ancestor: Run!
- [Bud looks over to the fire, where two more ghosts pop out]
- Disemboweled Bundy Ancestor: Run while you still can!
- 5th Bundy Ancestor: Wanna buy some shoes?
- [Staying the night in a castle]
- Peggy Bundy: You know, Al, since we're in a castle... crown me, baby!
- Al Bundy: Ah, what the hell, it's the first thing I had to pay for this whole trip. All right, Peg, go ahead and say it: what am I, baby?
- Peggy Bundy: You're the king, baby.
- Al Bundy: Make me believe it.
- Peggy Bundy: Well, who's gonna make *me* believe it?
- [Al looks offended]
- Peggy Bundy: Oh, all right. *You're* the *king*, baby!
- Al Bundy: Good enough.
- Villager: Bad news: we can't hang 'em until tomorrow.
- Winston: Why not?
- Villager: The scaffolding's not here. We had to sell some of the wood to buy nooses.
- Winston: [sarcastically] Oh, yes? And what do you plan to hang the nooses from?
- Villager: Well, we've thought of that. We're gonna have two of our taller fellows hold them.
- Winston: [stares for a second, then sighs in exasperation] I don't want to hear any more. Right, we're just going to have to stab them!
- Villager: But the village children were so looking forward to a hanging.
- Winston: Oh, yes. Oh, yes... Oh, the children.
- [the Bundys are eating a lavish room service breakfast at the Savoy]
- Winston: Um, gentlefolk? When we said "all expenses paid," we didn't exactly mean a river suite at the Savoy.
- Peggy Bundy: I'll have you know, sir, that we are accustomed to the finer things in life.
- Kelly Bundy: Mom, what's this?
- Peggy Bundy: It's a fork, honey.
- Kelly Bundy: Oh, cool!